Me and Little Evil Party at the Gym....

Getting FIT blog time again. I need to tell myself some things, and get them straight in my head and since I said at the beginning I was going to take you with me on this, here it is.

Getting FIT again, after having got fat is NOT EASY. That may seem obvious, but it needs to be stated. And it takes a long time. There is no miracle. Weight loss is a slow process. And muscle takes time to build. It takes sweat, pain and will. Like iron in your body and soul.

It's not enough to want it really badly. You have to be willing to kill for it, because that is what is going to need to happen.

Going to the gym is not ever going to get easier. There will never be a point where you leave a workout thinking "well, that was easy, got it now" Or there should never be. If you aren't dying, shaking and crying afterwords, why bother?

At least for me, I want the weight loss but more I want muscle, strength and speed.

Posting these pictures isn't easy either. I can't see the progress, at all. All I can see is how far there is to go. I can't imagine that 6 months ago I weighed 35 pounds MORE than this.

That is the biggest thing I want to try and work on is saying to myself "Hey, Girl, you're doing good" Not easy. I don't know that I will ever think I'm good enough. I want more.

Anyway, I'm not doing it alone. Here's a rare picture, the only one in fact, of Little Evil. My trainer. She's actually not evil, but very sweet which is why I named her Little Evil. Go figure. If you ever find someone like her, do whatever it takes to train with her. A great trainer will push you far farther than you can ever go on your own. I'd quit, I would never have attempted most of the things she seems to think I can do. And oh, I do 'em.

Having someone believe in you is important. I'm lucky. I've got her, and Poetry, and Joan of Dark, all my Derby Friends, and I have you. Not something you can do alone.

It's hard getting FIT, (yes, I did say that before) and I'm not whining, I don't mind the work, but it's the mental game that can beat you. The temptation to say, over and over "I'm sucking, I'm sucking, I'm still fat, I can't see ANY improvement and I've been at this 6 months" The progress is so subtle and so slow, you can't SEE it day to day. You still feel, well, not GOOD ENOUGH YET.

I don't know when that GOOD ENOUGH feeling starts yet.

But sometimes, for a moment, not for long, I think maybe...I love this picture best and want to keep looking at it, and keep it in my head, and keep the thought in my head:

That's a freaking 50 pound bar you're holding ever your head while doing lunges across the room.

And that ain't easy.

Love and FIT,
Lorraine