Ponies and Food...

I rode yesterday for the first time since I, er, fell on my butt. It was sore, but I don't believe it did it any damage. This makes me happy, as I have missed riding in the morning something fierce. Here's a pic of My Little Pony, looking oddly two dimensional, no doubt due to my amazing photography skills.

He seemed happy to see me. Or maybe it was the bananas. But we had a nice time, Alejandro and I. (for the horse people out there: 2 point is my friend)

I've been silent here for a bit on something that's been frustrating me to no end, so I think I'll talk about it now. That would be the fact I haven't been losing any weight. First 35 pounds? Dead easy, stuff melted off, but nothing now for 3 months.

This is due solely to the fact that I haven't been eating right. I can't put it down to a "Plateau" or "Oh, I am gaining muscle with all this working out" Nope. Been eating crap.

It's about not paying attention, about coming home, living alone and not having someone there saying "Whoa, didn't you already HAVE dinner", it's about being too tired to make anything and going for the easy option.

And in some ways, a failure like this, and figuring out how to overcome it, is a really good thing to have happen. I'm taking a really good look at myself, and doing a lot of thinking about the WHY I've been doing this, what I am afraid of, how can I be willing to work so hard at workouts, but not do the simplest thing like eat right?

Learning a LOT. Sat down with Little Evil, my trainer, last week and had a long talk where I nearly ended up crying. Gots a Plan now. Here's some of the things I've learned, if you're ever stuck in this spot, it may help. It wll help me.

But I stress, what works for me, may not work for you. Find out what DOES work for you.

I was talking with someone a few weeks ago, about her life, actually, and she kept saying she wanted to do this and that, but kept throwing excuses of why it wouldn't work now, but maybe would someday. I told her JUST FREAKING DO IT NOW, you want it to happen, go GET it, stop with the excuses. I did that a lot with eating crap "Oh, just this once, it won't hurt, I'll eat right tomorrow" Right. Do it Freaking NOW, Quiche. Today.

Cause that's all you have.

Plan ahead. I'm way too tired to make anything when I get home after training. Every day now, dinner is here and waiting when I get home. Both at home and at work, the food is there. Good food.

I write everything down in a little book. Right then. Every bit I eat. The fact that I do not wish to write down "Entire Box of Cheezits" helps a lot. I know what to do. That fruit and veg section in the store? That's my friend. Cheese and butter are not my friends. I've left friends before who were not good for me. These are no different.

I have the workouts planned so I never have to make myself go on my own. I'd never do it. Find some support, whatever it takes. I weigh in now every week with Little Evil. In public. In the locker room. I talk to you. FB and Twitter. Put it out there. I got the workouts down, and have an AMAZING group of Derby Sisters who cheer me, but the food thing has been on my own, and I've sucked, quite frankly, no one is there. It's all me. Not anymore.

If I have to publicly post what I eat every day: I will do that. If that's what it takes.

It's been a week now, I'm doing it right. Tomorrow, we see if it's working. Habits are really hard to change. Where you get your comfort is really hard to change. Looking at yourself and kicking your own ass, is really hard. Freaky hard.

But so is anything worthwhile.

I think one of the hardest things to say is: I love myself enough to do this. For myself.

I'm getting my mental game on here. And I don't lose.

Love and FIT,
Lorraine