One Year Of FIT...

It's been a year now since I decided to get my FIT on and surely, we need to mark this by talking about the journey. I've been thinking about this post for a couple of weeks now, and thought how cool it would be with some wonderful new pics, (especially since I've decided the next hair colour is going to be Teal, and I'm going to have some fine Derby shots soon) but one of my points here today is what is, IS.

So, here's me today. No frills Photo Booth style.

The first thing I can think of is simply this: If you are thinking about changing your life, about getting FIT, about seeing how far you can go to get everything you've been sitting on the couch dreaming about, I wish you could feel what I'm feeling right now, a year later. It's pretty damm wonderful.

A year is a long time. I can remember back, I wasn't just overweight, I was FAT. And very, very out of shape. If I forgot something in the basement, I did without it rather than climb the stairs again.

I was afraid of a lot of things too. Inside fears, the worst kind. Very shy. I know, hard to believe, but writing is EASY, or being in front of an audience playing, it's face to face with people that was hard. I'd met Joan of Dark, only via email, and she was already asking me when I was going to skate. Huh? Thinks I... Looks beyond cool, but beyond what I could ever do. (Heh. If Joan of Dark ever decides you are going to skate, just give in, far simpler) But something sparked. I wanted my FIT back. And then I met DJDayZ at a Farmers Market and heard her talking about Zumba at the gym, and took a leap and asked if could I go with her.

The class nearly killed me. I felt more stupid than you can IMAGINE. Like an egg with waving arms. The fattest person there. An idiot. The entire process was very, very scary. But I liked the teacher, and the people, and I went back the next day and joined the gym. We got a free personal training session with a trainer when joining and I told the women who talked to me, who also taught the class, no, no training, can't do, class only, bye. Couldn't imagine talking to, training with, being friends with, someone that FIT, being so FAT. (the mind can sure tell you twisted things)

I train with her now and re-named her Little Evil.

I skate Derby now too, but I'm not going to recount the entire year, if you read this often, you know, if you're new, the archives are all there.

Did I get everything I wanted? Was it a success, this year of FIT? No and yes. I am very much further along than where I was, but a long way yet from where I want to BE. I was going to lose 100 pounds, and be AMAZING. Got about half that and I still struggle with eating, most likely always will. I'm still inclined to be lazy, I get in moods where I don't want to talk to anyone ever again, and scream at the world and yeah, cry. But every time I fail, I get up again, and back to it.

And if you want to try this, understand: You will fail. You will fall. You cannot ever be perfect.

But you will really, really love where the journey takes you.

If you asked me what the single most important thing I've learned this year of FIT is, I would tell you this: Find your passion. Find what lights that spark, what it is you want more than anything. When that spark hits you, you may feel like you're waking up after being asleep for a long time, not very not sure how your body GOT this way, and hating yourself for letting it happen, but hold onto that spark.

My point is, it doesn't matter how you got where you are, what matters is that you get where you're going. And it isn't something that will happen overnight. Or even in a year, in my case.

Once you find that passion, what you want more than ANYTHING, following that is going to take you where you need to be: Loving yourself, loving what you look like and yes, I would go as far as saying feeling TOTALLY BADASS and powerful. (yes, YOU!) It's going to open doors you never thought were there for you. That fear inside? The thing that is stopping you? Yeah, trust me, and you'll have to because you may not believe it right now, but I've been there and I know, that fear doesn't stand a chance.

It's hard, not going to lie to you. I've hurt more this year than ever in my entire life. Going from being a couch potato to FIT is not something that can be achieved by walking around the block a couple times.

But I see myself a year ago, and I see myself now, and I will tell you: So fucking worth every bit of it.

The best part of this, and again, take it on faith, I wouldn't have believed it either a year ago, is that you don't have to do this alone. You can't, to be frank. But the people you need? You're going to find them along the way. And yes, my dears, they are going to like you. I found them. Joan of Dark, Little Evil, my gym friends, DJDayZ, and Gods, an entire Derby team of the most wonderful women I've ever encountered. I owe them all more than I can ever tell them.

I'm not there yet, after a year. Not FIT.

Not yet.

But I'm not where I was a year ago, either, mind or body. And never will be again.

Not quitting.

Not ever.

Love and FIT,
Lorraine