Monday, April 20, 2009

Soggy Horses and Deep Thoughts...



I didn't get many riding pictures the past two days, too busy conquering my fears, but here is a lovely picture of my soggy horse without his head for you. This is Anamontana, the half quarter horse, half arab. Sunday's ride didn't exactly go quite as well, riding her for the first time in a while. It's nerves that get me, but I went out again early this morning, after having a long conversation with my kettle which went something like "Boil Dammit!" , and made some progress. And had fun doing it.

Much better. No nerves and it felt great, like I knew what I was doing. I am still shy of cantering while there are other horses in the ring, and the horses that were there today were near the best in the stable, which, makes for fine people to ride with, and I am not at all shy about admitting to being not as good as someone, but still, difficult. And, to be honest, still have that fear in riding.

So, shy. And fear. There's two things that need to be dealt with. And FIT.

Bear with me. I may come to a point here. Or not. Hard to say, still thinking this one thru.

I heard a story this morning that kind of stayed with me, a really simple one, but it made a helpful point about getting where you want to be. It said, basically: If you are not on the right road you can drive as long as you want to, but you are not going to get there.

Simple, eh? Sort of flicked on this GPS in my head and made me realize some things that I want, and that I am not going to get them just by wanting them. I need to go there.

To be completely profound, if you are still with me here, shit happens. Fit doesn't happen. Learning French doesn't happen. Getting over fear doesn't happen. Not being shy doesn't happen. Playing bagpipes doesn't happen. (OK, so I'm not sure that ever WILL happen) Writing doesn't happen. Riding well doesn't happen. Petting bees doesn't happen.

May have come to my point. Still not sure. But now I know what I need to do.

There, enough with the deep thoughts. This week looks good, it may be spring, I will ride every day, I will go home and eat vegetable things instead of pizza, and lie on my floor with my muscles screaming and try and stay awake until ten, and write something good. And this weekend, there are gigs, one place where where I am not at all afraid, on stage being the safest place in the world. Go figure.

If you are thinking of coming down, come Saturday. I have a feeling it is going to ROCK.

And Nathilie, vous voulez à Skype mercredi ou jeudi? Je veux parler Francais bein! Vous m'aiderez encore?

Amour et étude, my Fiends,
Lorraine

134 Comments:

At 20:43 Blogger DataGoddess said...

*nods*

Doing the things that scare you (generic you, not you specifically, Q) are how we all grow.

I'll never not be shy, but I'm getting better at small talk because I do try.

And that's as profound as I can be when I'm itchy and drugged up on Benadryl.

At 20:47 Blogger Dragonsally said...

It appears to me you are on your road. Your're riding, you're working with bees often, you're gigging...you're bonding with a Leopard and rescuing Bengals, you are as generous as get-out with Fiends. Whether you think it or not, you ARE an inspiration.
I really must pull my uke out and start teaching myself again...your riding reminds me of that all the time.
Off to try and translate the french...

At 21:00 Blogger Siri said...

And the coolest thing is, we all get to troop down the road with you. Not at the same speed, nor at the same tasks, but together, we'll get where we are going.

I love this place.

At 21:00 Blogger Dan Guy said...

The turning point, for me, was when I reconceptualized the fear of failure into a perverse thrill at the prospect of failure. Andy Kaufman, and lately Ricky Gervais, showed me that I could try and if I failed, I could embrace that and fail SPECTACULARLY. Before every gig I would psyche myself up by saying, "I am going to suck SO HARD it will be breathtaking. People will cringe and wince so hard that they'll still feel it tomorrow."

And some of my performances have, indeed, been spectacular failures. Mostly they go the other direction, though.

At 21:17 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

You guys are the best, and very wise. I am glad you are coming with me, where ever we are each going.

Dan, I am still laughing, but it doesn't belay the point that you are right. Learned that on stage. First rule, Don't be afraid to sound REALLY dumb. Just need to take that into the rest of my life..

Did I mention staying up till 10? Need me some chatter.

Sally, just asked her if she wanted to Skpe later this week, and work on French again. me work on it, she seems to speak it just fine.

At 21:25 Blogger Dragonsally said...

I have pulled out my ukuele, plucked at the strings, wondered where my pick is and left it at that. Its a start though, isn't it?

Nathalie - how many languages do you speak so well?

At 21:27 Blogger El said...

You are beautiful and nuts and so, so right. I totally needed to hear this tonight. Thank you.

At 21:41 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Thanks, El, you and me both!

You go Sally! Every step you take is a step on. Or something like.

Fods, I am tired. I shall sleep soon and return to my path in the morning.

At 21:43 Blogger Teresa said...

Si vous voulez practique francais, je peux comprend un peu! :) Mais je comprend et parle meilleur que j'ecrit.

Obviously. :)

At 21:43 Blogger Siri said...

I am not a cook. In the past week, I've made a crockpot roast with sweet potatoes, and today, I did a navy bean and ham soup, with a side of cornbread.

Yum.

The bread is something I can do - but putting together a meal? Not so much. We all grow at our own speed.

(My house still smells so good!)

At 21:43 Blogger Uisge said...

Sometimes you need to be reminded of the truth. Thank you for that.

Comfort is good (and not to be lost), but you cannot grow or change without discomfort. Fit is good. Seeking is good. Living life on your own terms is good.

Thanks for the reminder.

At 21:56 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Bienvenue, Teresa! Je comprends , Mais, Je ne sais pas beaucoup. J'apprends. Nathilie is teaching. Or was. Hopefully again.

Uisge, that's what I was getting at. I think you said it better than I did. Thank you!

Well, Siri, my bread always comes out looking like an Alien Landscape. No really.

At 21:57 Blogger Siri said...

Sometimes them aliens is the best eatin'!

At 22:00 Blogger Na said...

thirteenth!

(?)

At 22:00 Blogger One Sock Short said...

Thanks for this one, Lorraine. Keeping with road analogy, sitting in the crossroads dithering about what branch to take and what-if-ing every possible (and impossible) option isn't terribly rewarding either. Not that I know anyone doing that (ahem). What caught my eye about your writing, and made me come out of lurkdom, is seeing someone taking positive steps in a direction she wants to head in. It's inspiring, so thanks again.

At 22:02 Blogger Siri said...

Oh Na, you lucky lucky girl.

Bed for me.

Night, Fiendom.

At 22:06 Blogger Na said...

Aww, Siri. *stamps feet*

Good, deep, fertile thoughts, Ms. Fabulous.

I have been pondering similar things. Only in my case, I need to figure out where the heck it is I want to go. I've lost even that. Is this "dull days at forty"?

Dan, you do stand up? I dig the philosophy.

At 22:08 Blogger Na said...

(Siri, I think you were thirteenth, so lucky, lucky you!)

Going to lose brain cells to television watching for a while.

At 22:11 Blogger One Sock Short said...

"dull days at forty" -- Na, that phrase whacked me upside the head when I heard it too.

At 22:17 Blogger Fluffy said...

Okay, gonna call the Francois the Belgian painter in Grapevine and start lessons again. I have an art degree and learned more about color in one week from him than in all the high school and college classes. True, I was doing mostly pottery back then...

I want to paint flowers and hummingbirds. Maybe a night garden with sphinx moths. Also, I can learn me some Francais. Bonus.

And Lorraine, some of my FB friends are French - they're Pratchett people, so you know they're nice. There's a "parlons francais" thread on the Pratchett board.

At 22:19 Blogger Fluffy said...

Forty was nae problemo for me. Fifty sneaked up behind me in the hall with a lead pipe. I still have a knot on my head (keeps the tiara on.)

At 22:25 Blogger Jane said...

Miss Q, if I did half the things you do I'd think I was amazing!

I esp liked the words about drive as much as you like, if you're not on the right road, you won't get there. That being said, I think there are many *right* roads that can be driven in one's life.

Sometimes you just have to see where the road takes you, somedays, anyway :-)

The cat in my photo is the lovely Calvin. He is a 16 yr old Abyssinian and is in our faces all the time, wanting to help, to play, to be petted. He opens drawers, walks on the top of door frames, has been known to walk off the top of a high bookshelf, put his back against the wall and proceed to walk down the side of the bookcase. A bit ungraceful at the bottom, but an amazing cat feat (feet?) as well.

Can you tell I love this cat?

At 22:27 Blogger Jane said...

OSS, thanks for the name explanation - makes perfect sense.

50 was great, but 56 was the lead pipe for me...

At 22:45 Blogger Fluffy said...

Just preordered "Who Killed Amanda Palmer!!" Fingers crossed it goes okay. Also, Subterranean says TGB is shipping now. Ooooo! Books!

At 23:10 Blogger Lyndyn said...

"I am glad you are coming with me, where ever we are each going."

Is now my facebook status! :)

Sleep well fiendlings!

At 23:13 Blogger The Mean Bookstore Girl said...

I totally get the "wrong road" idea. Something to keep in mind, too, though, is sometimes the journey is enough- you don't always need the destination, eh? Of course, if the destination is the important part of the journey, that philosophy is useless.

At 23:23 Blogger Kitty Cat said...

wow Quiche,
this may be my very favorite entry of yours...
will re-read this often.
love you girl.

At 23:30 Blogger gaypet said...

Very groovy, Q! I am going to try to be there Sat. We shall see.

Night all! XOXO

At 23:58 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Wow, there is so much to hold on to from that post.

Being on here with all of you has gotten me to do more foodporn posts when i can but I want to do more. I will read this post often so i will do more. Neil introduced me to some people as the one who 'used to' do foodporn.com...no way man, it's still going. I had a long hiatus from baby and wrists that stopped working but it's back!

Anyway, i just got home from a wonderful sushi dinner w/ ticia and lys. We all sure love to tell stories ;-) I wanted to stay longer but ben was melting under the table, sooo tired he was.

I think i'll watch one mindless episode of something and then collapse in to my ridiculously hot bed. We broke records today: 99 degrees. We don't have air conditioning here, we're not supposed to need it! I swear it rarely used to get above 80. Damn inconvenient truths.

At 00:04 Blogger AletaMay said...

Great and thought provoking post.

Much to say but no time to say it tonight.

Only time for a ticky box right now.

At 00:27 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Mercredi AND jeudi if you want.

At 00:38 Blogger Rubius said...

In the hope of choosing a good road... I have been wrestling with the decision of whether to come out in June in June for the fiend-a-thon... fiendalia? (see, I can't even remember what it is called). Since I have been out of touch I don't know where to look for info about what is going on in June. So, um, fiends... help? Is there a facebook page?

Na, thanks for the info. I am behind on planning this.

and everyone else, thanks for the birthday wishes last week. You are great fiends. It was very cheering.

At 01:10 Anonymous Lysandwr said...

nom nom nom.....

That was me, between chatting up fellow Fiends, for the last several hours.

I dub Chantrelle mistress of sushi ordering, because she can do in two minutes or less what it usually takes me twenty or more to do: ask the cook for an amazing plate of just enough sushi, all the best varieties, and no Uni thank you very much (no scallops either, in my case. Even though the octopus looked more like scallops than any octopi has a right to! :) )

Plus, Ben is the best 4 year old fellow restaurant guest ever. I'm not always the best at dining with folks who are shorter than my waist, but he was very good company when visible and no trouble at all when invisible. Having now met the entire family, I am rather jealous. And Chantrelle, I wanted to play with your iphone as well....but probably safer as things were :)

Ticia: I *was* totally distracted, and came back to my lodgings with your peach gummies and *without* having strong-armed you into tasting the bean-filled mochi cakes. But send me an address. You will receive gummies, no cakes :)

Seriously, thank you both for meeting me. It was instant comfort zone (well, except for that first horrid beverage I selected--my apologies and I owe you both :)) and just what I needed!


Quiche--Fear is the Fit-killer? Or No Fear, No Loss? Okay, seriously now..... The best thing about these sort of posts, IMHO, is how your Fear or Fears are obviously becoming something separate from and outside of you. That is the great leap that so many of us are still working on. Tally Ho!

At 01:12 Anonymous Lysandwr said...

Oh, and MORE FOODPORN!! Please include pictures of quail eggs nestled in wasabi :)

ps....don't hate me because I have a/c in this building....

At 01:17 Blogger Chantrelle said...

There will be more foodporn. I will write up a sushitomi review w/ photos of fish and egg-wasabi love.

That was a really fun night, i loved all the stories. Fiends are lovely.

Good night all!

At 01:19 Blogger spacedlaw said...

What was the horrid drink, Lys?

At 01:39 Anonymous Lysandwr said...

I...well...er...stubs toe, looks down at feet...I selected a very bad soju.

Note to self: stay away from sweet potatoes, barley and rice can be trusted.

And that's all I'ma gonna say.

Except they have GREAT waitstaff at Sushitomi!! :)

At 02:16 Anonymous Rhiarti said...

For what it's worth, I was fully bedridden for four years. Now I'm lifting weights, doing pilates and cardio three times a week, and eagerly anticipating the arrival of my treadmill. Fit does happen, and far faster than you think it's going to! It just takes breaking through that initial "pain... oh pain!" barrier.

Which you've already started to do! And as your lovely boss has already pointed out, you can't be brave if you're not afraid.

As ever you live up to your Fabulous name!

At 02:36 Blogger Lexocat said...

have many thoughts on this but too tired to do more than tick the box tonight.

real comment later.

At 03:03 Blogger Marjorie said...

So many wise things, both in your post, Q and in the comments.

I'm feeling under the weather today so brain is fuzzy but I think one of the things that I need to remember is that if I try, I may not succeed in what I want to achieve, but that if I don't try, I definitely won't succeed. Need to remember that more often. And find my fit.

And Q, you and the fiends are so inspiring - make me feel that I can try and take risks, and whether it works or not is still OK...

At 03:14 Blogger Marjorie said...

PS - I think you were very brave to ride the Headless Horse, Q :-D

At 04:50 Blogger louisa said...

Mostly I don't like bumper stickers as it seems odd to me that the things people treasure are put on a small piece of sticky plastic on the back of their car/truck (though in VT I think they often acted as a duct tape replacement to hold said vehicles together), however the one which has always stayed with me is: Not All Who Wander Are Lost. I am at my happiest meandering through mountains and have had some of my coolest moments because something off trail caught my eye and I followed that childlike impulse to see more. I've also had some truly awesome (in the real sense of the word) moments by standing still - twenty minutes with a young, curious moose, for example. And speaking of having a point.... I think the hard part often is not the motivation to Do Stuff but to first figure out who you are and what you want and why, and to accept that and be a peace with it.

At 06:26 Blogger Phiala said...

Er, yes.

I found the Fiends as I was contemplating a new road, and it's been incredibly helpful to have company as I take the first steps in that different direction. Everyone's on their own road, but we can still all walk together and be inspired by each other.

At 06:47 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Morning Fiends!

Yes, one can get up at 6 if on is in bed before ten, tain't natural, but thee you have it.

What wonderful comments to wake to! I was a little nervous about that post, and wondering how people would react, because it is pretty personal, to me, and possibly might strike chords with you too, but these comments are WONDERFUL!

First off, two things as I was bed reading the comments on my phone, one, Yes, the journey IS the destination, I am a big believer in that, and as someone said, sorry I am forgetting WHO, even if you don't make your goal, the things is , you tried, and you will be further along.

And the second, I am also a huge fan of wandering. (Not all who wander are lost is the best Tolkien quote ever, or one of them) And paths that wander can often be the best.

I think my metaphor works best if you think of it like to get to that great meandering path you had to be on one that let you get to it, if that makes sense, to see that wonder, you had to be there for it.

Or, if you want something, staying on a path that will get it for you. (Extreme example: I watch COPS when I am feeling , well, like watching cops, those people are NOT on a good path) Eating badly and not moving is not a path that will get you fit.

Not facing fear is not a path that will make it do away. Sort of that thing, but it IS good to be reminded about the journey...

Right. More tea.

At 06:48 Blogger Dan Guy said...

Good morning!

At 06:58 Blogger spacedlaw said...

You fell out of bed, dear. All the better to go for a canter and a jump before work I suppose.

At 06:58 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Morning Dan to you too!

We need to tell Rubious about the FIend Gathering. Last weekend in June. In Stillwater for the most part, Rubious. Hanging out. I think other Fiends can add more on the How It Works than I can, yes?

Nathilie, Wednesday and Thursday then! I learned "Je veux monter ce cheval bien" last night. Which is why I seem to have gotten up at 6....

Marjorie, Headless Horse. I love it when you comment. SNorting tea thru my nose is such a lovely way to wake up.

Hurrah for Fiends having sushi together!!!! I love hearing when you hook up!

At 07:09 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Kind of funny to fall out of bed just now, as I sent the futon frame over to Boss's for Mike to sleep on, so he didn't have to get up and down from a floor futon and it is MY futon that is now on the floor...

At 07:10 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Mercredi, donc. Et jeudi aussi.
I'll send you an email just before the call to see if you can make it.

At 07:12 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

And oh, Welcome to Mean Bookstore Girl (Love that name!) and it was you who said the bit about the journey, it all comes back to me with tea... And welcome Rhiarti, I see you on Twitter, and way to go on getting back your fit!

At 07:13 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I'll send you one first!!!!! And I will be able to make it, I believe. Assuming I got my French right and said "Wednesday and Thursday..."

At 07:32 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Yup. You've still got these ones right...

At 07:39 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Hee-hee, THAT was sort of ominous! True, but ominous....Looking forward to talking again!

Still have half an hour before I go to ride! It's like getting extra hours in the day, this waking early!!!

Melissa is going to be very surprised to see me again!

So is Anamontana. She is going to do some cantering today. At least, I am going in with that Plan...

HEY! Wake up Fiends! I'm here!

At 07:42 Blogger Phiala said...

G'morning, Q!

I like getting up early much more than sleeping in, truly, but it does require going to bed early enough too.

The morning hours are quiet and calm and productive for me.

At 07:55 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Mistress, I believe I am with you on this one. I like the getting up and working out too, if I leave it until the end of the day, it simply doesn't happen, tho I am hoping to add in a half hour Dog Walk at the end, just for that little bit more.

WHich will be easier when Boss is traveling as I will have this DOG who really wants to go for said walk and there will be no one else to take him.

At 07:59 Blogger Phiala said...

Yes, exactly. Exercise tends to get abandoned if not done promptly.

I really like my "commute" - 2 miles to work, 2 miles home. I get exercise, and it delimits the work day very nicely. I do much of my best thinking while walking (or in the shower), so if needed I get thinking time. Or listening to the news or audiobook or music time.

If I ever get far enough on the new road to be able to work at home I will keep my commute, even though it will start and end at the same place. All the same reasons will apply. (I may need to get a puppy to force me to do it, but I will.) I've got quite a bit of work to do before I get to that point, though.

At 08:06 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Mistress, that is a good road tho, even if it goes to the same place. Walking is the best, especially with our friend the Ipod. It's a great time for dreaming and just getting ready, or for letting go.

Getting fit doesn't mean I must go to the gym and kill myself an hour every day. Good on you if you can do it, but more sensibly, walk for 15 minutes twice a day, or a half hour, or dance three times at five minutes each.

I don't like the guildlines that say one must do such in such to make a difference.

It ALL makes a difference. Saving one cat does not make a difference to th millions, but it makes a difference to that one, she says returning to a failular theme...

I will stop soon with all this motivational wonder, truly, but it's on my mind for myself lately.

And I think putting out intentions to the world is a really good way of making them real.

At 08:08 Blogger Phiala said...

"And I think putting out intentions to the world is a really good way of making them real."

And you've created a very supportive place for doing so.

My current road, though, will come to an abrupt end if I don't finish this paper. See you all later!

At 08:15 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Which leaves me to entertain the gallery?

Hellooo, boys and girls...
And what are we playing at today?
(Today we are playing at acting like responsible persons - same as every day in your life - and although nobody really believes we could ever be all that responsible and reasonable, we all pretend. Don't you like being a grown up?
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

That was: "a minute delirium". Thank you for reading.

At 08:16 Blogger spacedlaw said...

And the worst of it is: I can't even pretend it was the cats typing this.

They are not crazy and staid home, where there are couches to lay upon and a silly human to feed them.

At 08:23 Blogger DataGoddess said...

I'm up again, and am feeling like Failed Wife because the hives are driving me crazy and I'm not up to dealing with them and also making it to Husbeast's thesis defense. I can't sit still, plus it will take a lot of spoons for me to even get there.

Bah.

So would you all please think good presentation and defense thoughts his way around 10:30 am EDT (a little more than an hour from now).

This is just another event in a long line of them I've missed thanks to health issues. I feel like a failure.

At 08:30 Blogger spacedlaw said...

I am sure the defense will go smoothly. (will still send good vibes his way).
Take care.

At 09:00 Blogger Ticia said...

I think this is my favorite post. Took way longer to read everything than I thought it would (I had to stop and ponder a lot)

Roads well traveled and roads well hidden ....

Anyhoo, last night was so much fun. Chat chat chatting away. I didn't stress about work once.

Speaking of work, I'm here.... Have a great day fiends.

At 09:05 Blogger Phiala said...

Oh, DG that sucks! You aren't a failure, of course - your health issues aren't your fault!

Would it help if I told funny defense stories?? :)

At 09:14 Blogger Lyndyn said...

DG - you are NOT a failure. Nope, nope, nope. When you are dealing with a chronic health issues, I think that you need to re-define success. Doing the best that you can is good enough.

At 09:39 Blogger Jane said...

DG - chronic health issues are a drag (I have some, too) and are not your fault; no blaming the victim allowed.

Hope the hives are departing.

At 09:57 Blogger One Sock Short said...

DG -- I third that sentiment. Lyndyn is totally right about re-defining success. Every little bit counts when dealing with chronic illness.

Thinking good defense thoughts in Chicago...

At 10:35 Blogger Marjorie said...

DG, I fourth that - you are NOT a bad wife or bad person - it's not as if you suddenly decided to get hives or be sick.
I'm now familiar with the defending process - does he get to hear a response or decision right away? All the very best wishes for you both.

At 10:44 Blogger Ticia said...

DG - I must have been posting while you posted. Screaming busy, but wanted to reassure you that you are not a bad wife. Circumstances are what's stopping you from being there not desire. HUGE difference.

And now he's got the force of the fiends behind him as well. He will do beautifully.

Okay, back to the "land of eventual blindness" (There's only SO long you can stare at numbers before your eyes are burned from their sockets.)

At 10:55 Blogger Phiala said...

Marjorie, here's the process as I've experienced it.

First, the candidate gives a public seminar. Then the public is evicted, and the committee, a small group of pre-selected faculty that the candidate has worked with for several years, quiz the candidate for a while on the project and related materials. The exact time varies widely depending on the field and the people involved.

The candidate is then evicted, and waits in the hall while the committee decides the candidate's fate.

Normally this takes roughly forever, especially from the candidate's perspective, as the committee gets distracted and chats about something else for a while before remembering the poor unfortunate in the hall.

The decision is always made right away, and is almost always "Pass, but make these revisions to the document." If there is any real doubt, the major professor will (should) not let the candidate defend.

The final step then involves drinking, most commonly.

The process is still very stressful - we made a MS student cry once (and not by being mean, honest), but the outcome shouldn't really be in doubt.

My major professor introduced me at my seminar as "the soon-to-be Dr. Goslee", which was very reassuring.

I finished the seminar, though, and the fire alarm went off before we settled in to the actual defense. I had to spend the next half-hour outside pacing, when all I really wanted was to get it Over With.

At 11:07 Blogger DataGoddess said...

I sucked it up and went. I'm still itchy as all get out, and now my knee is angry, but I needed to be there for Dan.

Phiala, that's exactly what Dan's going through, I was there for the seminar part. One of his profs, not on his committee, sent his class down to listen to Dan's presentation.

He was asked some probing questions by his labmates, the class members, and his committee, and he held his own for the most part. I know he's been nervous about having to think on his feet.

I haven't heard from him yet, so he's still either getting questioned, or is out in the hallway waiting. His committee is one short, one member is in Beijing right now.

At 11:15 Blogger Marjorie said...

Phiala - thank you for the explanation.

DG - glad you were able to go, and I hope that you don't have too much longer to wait, and that that you are not too exhausted and uncomfortable . ..

At 11:23 Blogger Phiala said...

DG, I'm glad you were able to go. The stress and the being on the spot are by far the hardest parts for the candidate.

But here's another way to look at it: by the time you get to the defense, you are the world's leading expert on Topic X (especially at the PhD level). A very narrow topic, but still. There's no other point in your career when you have that much time to devote to one thing.

So DG, when he gets done, make sure to compliment him on a) surviving the pressure, and b) being the Expert.

(What level is this? I can't remember if you said, and not all disciplines maintain a difference between "thesis" and "dissertation" (masters vs doctoral levels).

Marjorie, I've done it from both sides of the table, and at several institutions. Gives me a good grasp on how the whole medieval remnant functions.

At 11:28 Blogger DataGoddess said...

Phiala, this is his masters. He is going on to his PhD, so this was a warmup :-D

And thank you all for sending him good thoughts and well wishes.

At 12:00 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Meanwhile on planet Twitter, an evil doing url refuses to release a picture for Kitty's perusal (while seemingly the rest of the world can see it. As they say on the internet: WTF?)

At 12:27 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Give up, Nathilie. E-mail it to her. When Twitter decides you can't do something, you can't. Never piss it off.

Buried today, so I will say quickly, GREAT ride, loved it, cantered and got cheers and praises! No fear today.

Back to my tomb and the torture of schedules...Persnickety devils some trips...

At 13:08 Blogger DataGoddess said...

Another proof of the collective power of the Fiends - Dan successfully defended his thesis.

Now another three years to his PhD...

At 13:11 Blogger Phiala said...

DG - yay!

At 13:19 Blogger Rubius said...

yeah, congrats to your hubby DG. Hope the hives are doing better.

So, um, I remember that there was one person in charge of looking into stuff for the June meet-up... who was that again?

At 13:20 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Aleta. She says quickly.

At 13:29 Blogger AletaMay said...

Rubius and anyone else with any sort of questions, comments or updated information about Fiendom Come please email me at aletamay01 at yahoo dot com.

I really want to make proper comments on this post and comments which very much on point for so much in my life these days -- but that will have to wait until this evening.

Hurray for Dan! DG hope the hives are better.

At 13:29 Blogger Rubius said...

Thanks Lorraine.

At 13:37 Blogger One Sock Short said...

Congrats to Dan and DG!

If you don't mind a nosy question from the party-crasher, how do you all know each other? Have you always gathered periodically after meeting online, or were you once all in one place at one time? Not that I'm threatening to crash the live party, I'm just curious and like context.

At 13:46 Blogger EmilyLady said...

No kidding about wanting vs. actually making it happen. I had a dream the other night about something really wonderful and amazing and special and kind of sad - really intense. And I wanted to stay in the atmosphere. I keep going back to it and remembering how it felt. And I must keep reminding myself not to cling to dreams - but I can't figure out whether this process is a bad thing.

I know just where the dream came from, too ....

ANYWAY. It's raining here; forsythias look cool in the rain.

At 13:48 Blogger Na said...

Headless Horse pic has taken on a whole new meaning. :)

And ah, yes, the journey is the destination. Excellent to be reminded of that. So, no more woe that I am not sure where to go. I just need to move on something, anything. And one is always, always free to change paths as needed. Yes. We know these things, and reminders are precious.

OSS, some folks here know Lorraine from life outside the computer. Many of us have fallen down this particular rabbit hole via other sites/blogs and stuck around. And we've taken to meeting up whenever and wherever we can, ever since; I think particularly within the past year.

That's as far as I know. Fiends are happy to correct...

Re: "dull days at forty" -- I read as "dull days at fortyish". ;) Not the whack upside the head yet, so much as feeling a bit lost in a mist. I must say, Fiends are excellent at burning off that mist from time to time, or reminding me how to do it myself other times.

At 13:57 Blogger Marjorie said...

Congratulations to Dan, DG. I hope the 2 of you will be able to celebrate properly when you are feeling better!

At 14:06 Blogger Rubius said...

We all accreted here slowly and through widely different avenues.

Like asteroids falling into gradual orbit and building up a ring of loveliness around a brilliant gleaming star.

Like drips of mineral water, each finding their own path towards a cavern and oh so slowly building stalagmites and stalactites into a froth of unearthly cave flowers.

Okay, that may be more metaphorical than you were asking for. I found this place through Neil and stayed for the music and the positive company.

At 14:14 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Onesock, Hard to say. I have no idea how they find me. They just do. They find me where ever I go, there they are....Lurking, de-lurking...Fiends. All of them.

Sometimes they hook up together , if they find themselves in the same part of the world.

In June they are all gathering in Minnesota for a weekend. I may come too. Not sure.

(I slay myself!!!!!!)

You would be very welcome to come too and meet people. It is open to everyone who comes here, and whose heart is good.

You sure SOUND like a Fiend.

Aleta can tell anyone, as she says, more info.

At 14:37 Blogger ariandalen said...

Great post, Ms. Fabulous! I'll comment more later. ::sigh::

Congratulations Dan! Congrats to you, too, Toni for making it to the presentation! You are in no way a failure as a wife due to chronic health problems. No beating yourself up allowed. :)

One Sock, most of us haven't met face to face as we're all over the world, though most of us are in the U.S.A. Fiendom Come 2009 will be the first mass gathering of Fiends. You wouldn't be crashing the party. Give me a bit and I'll post links to the origin of "Fiends," the Night Garden project, and Fod. All have been in the last year, so you're not as late to the party as you might think. ;)

At 14:38 Blogger Fluffy said...

Emily, sometimes we have to live in our dreams for awhile until we figure out what we can do to bring them (or something they've directed us to) into our lives.

It might help if you wear a tiara for awhile.

And I started getting in shape by walking 15 minutes a day. Couldn't make myself do more some days but now I'm up to an hour of fast walking. Most days. I don't beat myself up if I don't feel up to the whole thing every day.

And Toni, I used to feel the same (bad mom & wife) about being incapacitated by migraines. It does make you feel shitty because you're feeling physically bad and guilty at the same time. Just keep thinking you'll get it under control, and hopefully totally fixed, and do what you can in the meantime. Cats help. Even (Sir Terry's) Death says so.

What is this - wise woman of the suburbs? I need to get back to getting my own self together. I just need a CAPE to go with the tiaras.

At 14:57 Blogger Marjorie said...

OneSock, it isn't crashing the party - as others have said, many of us haven't met in person before (Lousia & I met up in Dublin in February, but I've not met any otehr fiends in the flesh yet - just got to know people here and wanted to meet, because it seems like it will be fun.
The more the merrier, say I!

Fluffy, what colour cape do you plan on getting?

In other news - my pipes have been plumbed! I now have water running in the places it should run, and not running in the places it shouldn't. Seems the problem has been that the kids in the neighbourhood have been using an uncapped pipe as a kind of wishing well - the Capable Plumber retreived (among other things) 57p in small coinage, several pencils, some cable ties, a 6 inch piece of wire, and a TEASPOON. I am fairly sure tht none of these are things which ought to be inside pipes.

Also, plumber was less expensive than I thought he would be, so am feeling very relieved.

At 15:10 Blogger Fluffy said...

Marjorie has a wishing well! Wonder if it's been working for the kids...

Cape color. HUGE question. I'm thinking purple.

At 15:44 Blogger EmilyLady said...

Fluffy, walking rocks!

Tiara. Cape. Good idea.

I met a baby called Tiara once.

At 15:48 Blogger ariandalen said...

"Fiends" was a typographical error in the comments of the September 7, 2008, The Day The Dog Went Goth. Start about halfway down in one of Ms. Fabulous' comments.

The Night Garden project started as a comment by Rubius(Katrina) about her finding a yew tree and putting it in her rooftop garden and a gnome that lived there as well. More discussion can be found in the comments of the August 17, 2008 blog All The Plays A Stage And We.... Scroll up the same page to August 21, 2008 for the first works listed as Night Garden, entitled "One Wild Kitty and Two Night Garden Poems." For more, click the "Writing" link on FabulousLorraine.com.

"Fod" was a typographical error by Ms. Marvelous(Malena) in the comments of the July 6, 2008 entry My Day in Church. We ran with it. Check comments for several days after to catch the lengths to which we went. ;)

Is a FAQ page possible with links to these things?
::BIG eyes:: Please?

At 15:49 Blogger One Sock Short said...

Now I have the image of "Fluffy, walking rocks" in my head. I'm picturing moss, lots of moss. Though if they can walk, would they gather moss? Maybe only rolling rocks (er, stones) gather no moss...

At 15:52 Blogger Marjorie said...

Fluffy, with pet rocks, all with their own (shiny purple) collars and leads...

Maybe they are a form of Troll - I seem to recall, according to PTerry, that som eof them cultivate alluring lichens and mosses...

At 15:54 Blogger Marjorie said...

PS - I like the idea of a FAQ page. Maybe it could have Q's for aspiring fiends, too: e.g.

1. Are your brains SPICY?2. Are you now, or have you ever been, completely normal?

At 15:59 Blogger Rubius said...

hehe... rubius is actually Kristina but I have always loved the name Katrina. I am kinda flattered to be immortalized as an jumping off point for the night garden project... but credit should go to Ivenotime (I think it was her, her name is Sue) who suggested a collaborative art project in general. On that topic the last I heard the Night Garden project was still open ended. I was having some Night Garden thoughts yesterday and was thinking of submitting something along those lines.

I like the FAQ page idea... but we also need a link page, dammit.

At 16:02 Blogger Marjorie said...

Maybe if we all clap our hands and believe in a FAQ and Links page...

BTW, are you going to be able to make it in June, Rubius?

At 16:04 Blogger Fluffy said...

Fluffy, with pet rocks, all with their own (shiny purple) collars and leads...And teeeeny weeeeeny sparkly crowns.

At 16:15 Blogger Marjorie said...

I stand corrected ;-)

Of course they would have their own tiaras too..

At 16:35 Blogger Hellie said...

I have a pet rock. He needs a tiara.

What a wonderful, inspiring post today - thank you!

I'm back from a great trip to Hong Kong and feeling almost completely de-shingled. Good to be back, hope all fiends are well! I came home to spring sunshine and cherry blossoms in bloom, this always feels a much more natural time of year to make resolutions and plans and bring about change to my life. I'm going to start painting again this weekend :o)

At 16:36 Blogger Rubius said...

I am just not sure about June right now. The issue is this: I have a two really nice possible trips this summer, June fiend-meet and a cross-country drive to World-con in August. Now both will cost me about $1000.00 (minimum) each and both are great opportunities to make new friends, and both opportunities will not likely come up again. I also have a job (that I am unhappy in) that will let me pay for this (but just barely) and would give me the time off if I need it.

So I can stay in the job where I am unhappy and go to either one or both events. I have always wanted to drive across Canada and I haven't been to a Worldcon and I am looking forward to the opportunity to spend time with the people whom I would be driving with since we all run a con together and don't really get to spend time socializing.... so that is a pretty good deal.

On the other hand I have been enjoying fiend-dom for a long time and it was lovely visiting Lorraine last year and meeting the LaMies (pre-fiends) at Balticon and I have been raving about both times since I went to them... and I don't know when I would EVER get to meet the fiends otherwise.... and I know I would regret missing the opportunity to meet everyone here.

That said I have been saving for the last year to be able to have any money in the bank account and I am finally in a place where I feel financially stable and these trips would basically put me back to having no savings. I am, however, willing to suffer through another 4 months of my job to pay for them... but the prospect of having no savings at the end of the day is rather worrisome, especially in this economic climate. Of course the other kicker here is that I have been saying for 4 years that I HATE my job and need a new one so it would be a case of prolonging the unhappiness to pay for two trips... and then have no money. The prospect of finding a new job that could finance these trips AND give me the time off to go on them... seems slim.

ohhhh... decisions. I hate em.

At 16:38 Blogger Rubius said...

Basically I am trying to balance being financially and emotionally stable.

any advice?

At 16:41 Blogger ariandalen said...

Then read comments in posts between July 6 and August 17, 2008 for when Sue/ivenotime suggested a collaborative project. :)

Sorry about the wrong name thing Kristina. At least they both start with a "K"? ::sigh:: Called one of the girls taking belly dance last night "Casey," and her name is "Cayley," so it's not just you. ::sigh::

At 16:43 Blogger Rubius said...

Oh Ariandalen, no problem. I could forgive you and your spicy-brain scenting nose anything. Pretty good memory for posts, you have there.

At 16:45 Blogger Phiala said...

I'm committed! I will arrive at MSP on Friday morning 10ish (not as early as Jess, but maybe we can work something out for transportation? ), and I'm leaving Tuesday morning (10ish). Yay!

And... I have a 2-room suite at the Water Street Inn. If there is anyone looking for lodging for any or all of Fri thru Mon nights, I would be willing to share. (Only single room left was smoking - ick!) I'm getting the room regardless, so I'd be open to sharing with someone who pays anywhere from a little bit up to half if that helps anyone attend who might not otherwise get to.

Yay vacation AND Fiends all at once.

Rubius, don't you hate those grownup decisions?

At 16:48 Blogger ariandalen said...

If it helps, Kristina, I'll be in Snohomish immediately after Fiendom Come. We'll be there for at least a week, maybe two. Something to think about.

At 16:50 Blogger Rubius said...

I really do hate these grown-up decisions!!! I really do. I miss when the hardest decision was peanut butter/chocolate or cotton candy flavoured ice-cream.

At 16:56 Blogger ariandalen said...

New Fiends! Hi, Mean Bookstore Girl and Rhiarti! Don't be afraid to jump in with your opinions. We all have them. ;)

::sniff::
::sniff sniff::
::sniff sniff sniff::
::SSSSSNNNNNIIIIIFFFFFFFFFF::
Ahhhhhh.
SPICY!


MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

At 17:29 Blogger Siri said...

RE: Airport stuff - I'm going to be available for transport, and will know my way around MSP ARPT by then - AletaMay? Do we have a plan yet? Is it too early?

I've been considering coming up Wednesday night after work, because Marjorie will be there, and although she said she'll be knackered Wednesday night, there's all day Thursday to play.

Marjorie - did Q set you up with a good motel for those first nights?

Oh, and We Came for the Music and Stayed for the Quiche.....

At 17:38 Blogger Dragonsally said...

DG - congratulations to Dan. Wonderful news.

Oh, how I wish I could be there in June. I'm thinking a skype link up at some stage so I can join in the conversations?

At 17:51 Blogger Siri said...

I hope so, Sally (you were Sassy there for a minute!) Skyping or something similar....(like I even know what that is.....)

Toni - congrats to you for getting to be a Witness to the Defense, and Huge Kudos to Dan for Successfully Defending whatever it was he was defending. He's certainly a better man than I.

At 19:08 Blogger Siri said...

Where'd everybody go????

At 19:09 Blogger Siri said...

Darn kids and their twitterpating....

At 19:12 Blogger Phiala said...

I'm here, just working on something while I wait for walnut-raspberry pancakes and bacon for dinner. :)

At 19:14 Blogger Siri said...

ummm... yum....I live vicariously through other's stomachs....

At 19:19 Blogger Phiala said...

Eeeep! I just submitted Unicorns, to a paying SF publisher probably actually out of my league. It doesn't hurt to try, right?

At 19:20 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Just home. Too tired to do anything but listen to bengals scream for dinner. Mind you, they HAVE dry food they like....

Must get up off floor.

Will write a new post.

Soon.

Uh-huh....

At 19:31 Blogger Dragonsally said...

I just watched Bones latest episode. Fods I love that show.

Phiala, it can't hurt. Its a great story

At 19:31 Anonymous Lysandwr said...

Go, Phi!!

Well supported, DG. Now be kind to yourself, and let recovery progress happen....

and now for more soju....

At 19:38 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Mistress, more than that, send it out as many times as it takes, and well done for doing it!

Shoot me an e-mail if I can offer any advice or tips, yes? Tho it doesn't sound like this is you first gig, so to speak.

At 19:43 Blogger Phiala said...

When it gets rejected, I'll send it somewhere else. Multiple submissions aren't usually appreciated.

Q, I appreciate the offer, and if I run into questions I'll let you know. I've never ever submitted any fiction, but I'm not scared of submission or editors, since I publish in technical journals regularly.

Well, a little scared, since I've never tried to publish fiction before, but I had lots of Fiendly encouragement. :)

At 20:00 Blogger Kitty Cat said...

little Rubius, i want to take this time to remind you of one quote that i continuously go back to when making decisions such as the one you have laid before this tribunal:

'be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid'

it was my understanding that Goethe said it, but there is debate. anyway....
If you make a bold move, something will roll into place that you may have never considered.

I moved to California heartbroken and feeling at the lowest of low, and here found everything i ever wanted. That boy, when he broke my heart, set me free for the new life of touring and working side by side (cyberly) with Lorraine for the smartest Wordsmith ever. and a man who holds my heart like the tender fireball that it is.
I owe it to not just crying into my couch pillows but forcing myself out of comfort zone to California 3000+ miles away.

this post from Quiche demands reflection, i have watched her these last 5 years, pull herself up by the bootstraps, so to speak, to build this amazing network of people (had no idea the GSL coined Fods, but that sounds about right)
she is riding horses and petting bees and making magic.
I think that these chances come around for a reason. Pay attention to your little inner voices, glitterSpider Kristina/Rubius. Has anyone seen the jewelry she makes? I will send over a photo i took of FabLo wearing her jewelry that matches her blazy emerald eyes...
ok, i shut up now.
to quote FrankNFurter:
DON"T DREAM IT, BE IT.

At 20:02 Blogger Kitty Cat said...

and a ps in the form of a DOH.
that would be DREW holding my heart, not Boss, to clarify for the absolute record....

geez.
cringe.

At 20:10 Blogger Chantrelle said...

got up to 102 today. barely below that now. Bought a kiddie pool to cool off.

Kitty - I knew you meant drew but re-reading your post, i could see the confusion!! LOL!

I don't believe everything happens for a reason but I do believe that when you are forced to make changes, things almost always can turn out for the better.

Congrats to DG and Dan on the thesis!! Woot!

going to go melt in the other room instead of in my office. ugh.

At 20:15 Blogger Bulfinch's Aglaia said...

I have no words anymore, so I'll content myself with reading yours. *hugs* to all...

At 20:39 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Thanks Kitty! I knew you meant Drew too, you meant too. You NEVER get gooey eyed over Boss, hee-hee.

I agree too, change is no bad thing. Didn't Bob Mould say on Zen Arcade "Change for the worse, change none the less?"

And my own personal quote, "You never know what will happen if you go out"

There, that's all my brain has tonight. I did a new post for you tho...Not quite as deep. Headless pets and dead fish.

Yup. Long day.

At 22:12 Blogger Jane said...

Loved all the comments and the history.

I am late, too, OSS. Found this place through Neil and stayed for the party. But the thing that hooked me, absolutely, is the Bengals and the rescues. OMG, it touched my heart.

At 15:49 Blogger Andrea said...

Hey Fluffy--I'm trying walking to get back my Fit. Do you recommend a tiara no matter what the outfit?

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