It's that time a year again when I need to write a letter. The only problem is that I don't know who to send it to, so I thought perhaps, you might help. I don't think anyone reading this is the person I am writing to, but you may know them. You may be able to link to this, or re-post in its entirety. You might be able to print it out and stick it on a bulletin board somewhere. If you are at a college, get every last person in your school to pass this on.

You might have kids the right age to share this with, they might have friends they could pass on the message to. The internet is a powerful thing, and maybe, if enough people read this, the person I am trying to reach will see this.....

Dear Unknown You,

It's May. Congratulations on surviving another year, or your first year of college. I need to talk to you about something tho. That kitten you adopted last September when you went back to school, or away from home the first time, the one you loved, played with and cared for these last ten months, the one that comforted you, purred at you, slept by you feet at night, remember him?

The one you discovered when school got out that you couldn't take home, couldn't take to your internship, the one you had no place for? Remember him?

Well, good news. He's here. At my back door. And he's a little bewildered to find himself suddenly on his own. He's about 10-11 months old now, maybe a year.

I know you believe that Kitty-Kitty is a Cat, and can hunt, and it's summer and he will be fine, but I need to tell you, all Kitty-Kitty knows is that home is indoors and food comes from cans or in a bowl as lovely bits of crunch.

Kitty-Kitty has been looking for you, he's been to a lot of houses mewing and looking and hoping. He finally showed up at my place and he's really worried about you. He doesn't know me, but he knows I am like you and that when he mews at the back door, I will come out and fill up his bowl and talk to him.

Know too, that since you neglected to spay/neuter Kitty-Kitty, in this case neuter, Kitty-Kitty is most likely a father many times over, to some lovely girl Kitties in the same position.

I know you were thinking, no worries, someone will love him, he's so sweet, he'll find a home but get this: Kitty-Kitty is now MY FUCKING PROBLEM. I haven't dropped the F-bomb in my blog since last May when this happened, but get this too: I can't take him in, I already have more than enough rescues, but I, unlike you, can't just walk away.

I need to make friends with him, feed him, get his shots, get him neutered and find him a home because if someone doesn't he is going to die; scared, starving and alone, wondering what in his world happened for things to go so horribly wrong.

And I can't let that happen. If they cross my path, I will save them.

I wish you had had the maturity to have thought the same when you decided you wanted that Kitten.

Not so much love, but hoping you read this,

Quiche MeDeadly

I can't tell you about this weekend. Not everything anyway, that tale's too long and no one person saw it all. I saw more than most however, being one of the few who was sober for it. And I was there. That's Moxie McMurder there, editor of UK's Lead Jammer Magazine. We brought her over for a week, to see what would happen. And it happened allright.

If you want the whole story, or at least as much as anyone is talking about, you'll need to do some stalking on your own. The Persons of Interest are all out there. Go find them, FB, Twitter, Web Pages. The clues are there, piece it together.


All the Derby Photos are by Kyle Cassidy. They're from our Sunday morning scrimmage with MRD Wrecking Dolls. By not a strange coincidence, I seem to be in all of them, but it's my blog and I'm proud of that Bout. I can say, without any inflated sense of my skills or ego, that it was my best Bout yet, and I learned a LOT. I know a bit more than I did going in, and know what I need to work on. STILL sore from it.

We're going to jump around here tonight, by this point on Sunday, remember, a whole lot had already gone down. Including poor Moxie, I think the afterparty Saturday night nearly killed her. Partly my fault, I left her there with Pinky and Jenetic, so I could go home and get some sleep, and be ready for this Bout. Oops. Didn't see her again until Sunday morning. Hard to believe she was that bright, awake and cheery! (don't believe it, not for a moment)


Kyle is doing a book of Roller Derby Portraits. You can, and please DO, follow his Roller Girl tumblr feed and his Roller Girl FB page (Please go and "like" it) There's a lot on the project in both places. If you'd like to see some of the pictures we took at the epic 12 hour photo shoot on Friday, look at the Chippewa Valley Roller Girls profile pics on FB. Nearly the entire team has changed over to them. Go you, and stalk!

You'll also be able to see his work, and CVRG, in the next issue of Lead Jammer Magazine!


The shoot was beyond fun, several locations, much hopping about, some really interesting situations, and a whole lot of chaos, all perfectly orginized and by Friday night, the non Bouting the next day people were ready to settle down and start some drinking. I wrangled Friday, didn't do my shot until Sunday. You may have seen the picture of me holding the frame of bees, it's out there on FB and Twitter, and I have to say, by that point in the weekend, holding a frame filled with 100's of bees and no bee suit on wasn't as scary as you'd think it would be.

We did the shoot after our early morning Hangover Scrimmage (it's just CALLED that, skaters who Bouted weren't the ones drinking all night at the Afterparty. No. Really) I had Slam'er to help me and and it went like clockwork. Kyle set up a background outside the hive area, Slam'er went in, smoked the bees, pulled out a frame and brought it over. She made sure where I grabbed it had no bees, Kyle shot FAST and I gave it back to her and walked away.

Mostly I was thinking abut the Scrimmage. When you get knocked down that many times, (and if I may say so, did some knocking down myself) afterwards, you don't have a lot you fear. Or the energy to fear it.


We had practice on Saturday morning, which may seem strange on Bout Day, but we've found it is nice to get together, we don't kill ourselves at it, but being together is important. I know I've said it before, but it does need repeating: I love my team SO FREAKING MUCH. This weekend was all about them, I wish I could post pics of every single one of them. There was more Derby too, Joan of Dark, from Naptown was there, Dill Hero, Naptown announcer joined Matt in the booth, Razor from Bloomington came along, Allie Gator from Madison was there all weekend, Tyranny from MVM tech'd for Kyle and took photos.

And Moxie. Did I mention how much we love her? This is family and she's right there with us, now and forever. I have to say tho, there's a lot of weeping going on with the skaters here, missing her, and everyone else, who have gone back where ever, scattered again.

 Another thing that made the night perfect was my Flash Girls bandmate Emma Bull, who I haven't seen in some years came, with her husband, Will Shetterly. It was her first Bout. And she fell in love with Derby. Why we have no pics of us, I do not know. There was a lot going on that evening.

David Dyer Bennet came and took pictures too. And Steve Manfred ran the video camera. Beez and El made WONDERFUL post Bout food for two starving Derby teams, refs, volunteers and assorted folk.

Derby runs on such things.



I'm not sure why this picture of Moxie drinking coffee in bed with Coconut is off center, that wasn't the PLAN, but that would be this weekend for Moxie and I, at any rate. We improvise with the best of them tho, and if one thing didn't work, another did.

I'm not sure who exactly had the idea, might have been Joan of Drunk, Joan of Dark's alter ego, I know Moxie wanted some Ink to commemorate her first visit to the US, and it was decided, long after I'd gone to bed, that the group would be getting matching tattoos. Something to do with Wisconsin. We went thru a lot of ideas, and I'm just as glad most of them fell thru, but the upshot is that me, Moxie, Joan of Dark, Dill Hero and Allie Gator all have some Shakespeare Ink.


We got up, the gods know how, early on Monday morning to take Moxie and Razor to House on the Rock. In a word: More fun that I can relate. If there was any doubt to the bond between Moxie and I at this point (there wasn't) it was settled on the drive down and back talking music. It seems we both have the weird  70's early 80's imbedded deep in our souls. And we can sing along to any country song going. No matter if we've heard it before or not.

This is Moxie recreating her Hangover at House on the Rock.

The weird got weirder when we got up on Tuesday morning and still unsure of WHAT we were getting tattooed, decided to go into a local shop and if there was an artist free, we'd be doing it. What ever it was. We walked in and the artist/owner said "Hey, great Bout on Saturday". If THAT isn't fate, I am not sure what is. That's Derby for you.

We got the tattoos and emailed pics to Joan, Dill and Allie Gator.


Still with me here? That's Joan and Dill, with Moxie in the middle. I told you we were going to jump around. I am sure I am missing mentioning things, and people I met, new friends I made, but we knew that was going to happen from the start, didn't we?


We took Moxie out to the Farm of a 1000 Ways to Die, twice in fact. Once to flip the entrance reducer on the newly installed Farm Hive, and again a few days later, on Tuesday, at 6:30am and if that doesn't define brutal after this weekend I don't know what does. We needed to check that the Queen was doing her job and laying, which she was. Being that tired, we were pretty sure we didn't need bee suits for this little thing, that's Slam'er there with the frame, and me on the left.

I'd like to say we were badass enough to have followed thru, but this was another Plan that got revised VERY quickly.


That's some of it. As I said, no one person can tell the entire tale, nor, I think should anyone try to. Weekends this special don't come along often. It was bringing together a group of people who love each other, and who believe that, if you can think it up, whatever it might be, that it can happen. I would say to you: Just go for it. DO IT. Whatever it is you want, it can happen. Make it happen, what have you got to lose? We did this, we had the idea and we pulled it off. Together.

At one point I asked Moxie if this quote didn't sound too arrogant. In typical Moxie fashion, she answered "Hells, who cares, it's fucking true"

And it is. We are such stuff as Dreams are made on.

So are you.

Love and Derby,
Quiche MeDeadly

Haven't blogged in a bit, been busy with many Sekrit Projects but now that they are no longer secret, I have a whole lot of Derby to talk about tonight! The Chippewa Valley Roller Girls final Bout of the season, we're up against The Mid State Sisters of Skate, is happening on April 28th and we are pulling out all the stops on this one.

(one thing I will tell you, insider tip here, this Bout IS going to sell out, tickets are going fast. Get your tickets NOW in advance HERE)

The official title of the Bout is "The Legacy Bout" but it might as well be called "Nexus of Cool" there's so much happening. Let me back up a bit. At our first Bout of the season we brought in photographer Kyle Cassidy, who promptly fell in love with Derby and has since been traveling around the country, doing portraits of Roller Girls everywhere, for a book project. He's coming back to shoot CVRG, (and the MN Roller Girls!) because, after all, this was where it started.

A few months after that first Bout, Kyle and I, due to the wonder that is Derby and the internet, met Moxie McMurder, editor of UK's Lead Jammer Magazine and I'm not sure who first had the idea, but we had the thought that wouldn't it be cool to bring Moxie on over to the USA and have her do a story on some US Derby, with photos by Kyle. Many emails later the Plan went from Cool Idea to, Let's DO This Thang.

We launched a Kickstarter Project to pay for plane tickets and the response was overwhelming. THANK YOU! It was fully funded in less than 24 hours.

Here's Moxie:


She'll be at the Bout on the 28th, along with Kyle. The more this started rolling, the more cool kids started thinking, REALLY don't want to miss this one. Joan of Dark from Naptown Roller Girls will be there. Naptown announcer Dill Hero with be joining CVRG announcers Matt Black and Mr Wannadie in the booth. 18ft Allie Gator from Madison, along with some of her teammates are coming up, to name only a few.

And yes. We do have the coolest T-shirt cannon ever. And we sure will be shooting the heck out of things at halftime.

My question to you is this: Will you be there too? If you're reading this, you ARE one of the cool kids, and this is going to be THE best party of the year. I think it's time we all got together again.

Stompy, hello? Bring your posse, let's have some MN Roller Girls there. Jeremy, come on, announcers all over the place. MVM, you guys make the BEST signs. Betsy, you've been SAYING y'all want to come up, last chance of the season. Minneapolis, it's not that far, and I MISS YOU. Madison, you'll be here any way.

Naptown how many times have I road tripped to see you skate, and in fact, it IS all your fault I am in this Derby now. Way to inspire a girl!

Local friends, there is NOT anything cooler going on this night, I promise you.

Live far away? Look, it's summer, you need a holiday. Take one. Here.

Team USA, you out there? Sure, the White House is cool, but THIS will be a Bout! Come on over, we'll scrimmage with you, about time you went up against a team that can give you a run for your money ;) (Hey no shame here, I can get Suzy Hotrod and Donna Matrix up, I'll take those hits)

CVRG have come so far in only two seasons. I'm so proud to be a part of this league. And I love it more than anything ever in my life. I want you to meet them. I want you to be a part of this, because, more than anything, Derby is all about bringing people together, all over the world.

Join us for the last Bout of the season, and I'll tell you about what is happening for next year.

You're going to love this.

Love and Derby,
Quiche MeDeadly

Here we are! Last week was tapping the trees, and now comes the gathering Sap and making Maple Syrup. Very exciting process, I have to say. And quite the workout, as I said in the last post, it hasn't changed much in 100 years. You still have to go out on the hillsides and gather it up in buckets. First thing to do in the morning is get the Arches fired up. Arches are where the syrup cooks.

You also need to fire up the stove in your Sugar Shack, because it may be raining and chilly and where else are you going to cook lunch. (or Dinner as they say in the Country) Slam'er would also like me to point out that just because in the three blogs she's been so far, she's wearing exactly the same outfit, this doesn't mean she HAS no other clothes. (I hadn't noticed, this IS kind of funny. Woods fashion doesn't change much either)

The Arches get VERY toasty. And you have to watch your Sap at all times, because if it scorches, you're done for.

The logs go only in the front of the Arch. The heat is then drawn all the way down and up and out the pipe you can see at the back. The back pan is where the Sap goes at first, quite a bit of it. When it cooks down enough, it gets transferred to the front pan, where it will cook down even more, all day long, until it is Syrup. I'll tell you how you know when this happens in a bit here.

The Sap goes into a holding tank, in this case, an old milk holding tank. Most years, it, and several others would be full. Sadly, this is a very bad year for Maple. It's far too warm. For syrup making you want nights that are in the 20's, and days in the 40's or so. The Sap rises during the day, and more or less freaks out at night, goes back down, sort of thinking "OOPS! What am I doing, still winter, I'll try again tomorrow" Which of course means you get a lot more Sap.

When it is this warm at night, the Sap just nips right on up the tree and stays there. The worst year the Slam'er Family has had since they started in 1991, was 60 gallons, the best, 300. They estimate they might get 20 gallons this year. Not so good.

Here's the Gator parked by the holding tank. See the grey box on the back? The buckets are all far out into the woods, so we drive the Gator thru the paths, which are like little roads (with names even) stopping every so often to walk down the hills with buckets, going from tree to tree, emptying the hanging buckets into the carrying one, and then dumping them into the mini holding tank on the back of the Gator.

This is a lot of work, but a fine leg workout. The hills are very steep and the rule is, doesn't matter if you fall, just SAVE YOUR SAP.

There is a second holding tank, with a long hose that runs from the top of a hill, down to the main holding tank. This is so you don't have to drive all the way back there every time your mini tank gets full. You simply dump the Gator Tank, into the second tank and down it goes.

This is what it looks like from the bottom of the hill, that's the Shack and the main tank.

This is the view from the top. Pretty nifty, eh?

It isn't ALL drudging away with heavy buckets, up and down steep hills, slipping in the mud, trying to save sap as you go tumbling down, there's plenty of time for breaks. And beer. Of course. If you have enough beer, you can drive a Gator thru just about anything, I do believe.

The corn is an interesting feature, out at the Shack. It seems too many people were running into the stove pipe, burning themselves horribly, some scarred for life, so they've hung a lovely bunch of corn in front of it, as sort of an early warning system that death is near.

They took another approach inside the Shack, where the same thing was happening, but it's just as effective.
And if the mood hits you, you can enjoy some swinging. On a Maple tree, with bucket, of course.

One of the BEST snacks ever, is eggs hardboiled right in the sap, kid you not. You get the eggs from the chickens that morning (once again being pecked half to death) bring them down to the Shack with you, and pop them on in. They taste sweet, which you might think is an odd taste for an egg, but trust me, if you even get a chance to try this, go for it.

Back to the woods. This tree had five buckets on it, tho it's kind of two trees that grew together, so it doesn't really count.. Tho it does have a handy place for sitting, if you are adventurous. (The girl IS, trust me)

Sometimes you get a bucket that looks like this, which is very sad. It means tree water has gotten into the Sap, which would make it taste bad, and you have to thru it on out.

When the syrup starts to get near done, it look like this, boiling away, and you have to check it often.

With this: A Hydrometer. It hangs handily there very close to the Arch, you use it often, a few minutes can make all the difference.

You fill the tube with boiling syrup, the thermometer is inside, and when it is done, it pops up at exactly the right place, which is marked and then you MOVE and get the syrup off.

You do this by sliding the very full pan of boiling syrup off the Arches, and rest it on a 2 x 4 you have nailed across the shack for that purpose. You also have to get a sheet of tin over the fire, so you don't scorch yourself. Doing this with out spilling boiling syrup all over yourself, or burning up is a wee bit tricksy, but remember, this is the Farm of 1000 Ways to Die. All in a days work.

It's good to have a Milk Can Handy and ready at this point. There are three separate filters, held in place with some high tech clothes pins. See how little things have changed here?

Slam'er is holding the milk can steady, while Papa Slam'er pours boiling molten syrup into the can. JUST ANOTHER WAS TO GET MAIMED OR DIE HORRIBLY out here, Folks. Didn't seem to bother them, and I admit, didn't bother me at the time. Didn't until I saw the pictures and thought about it.

In it all goes.....Pure syrup. Pure very hot syrup.

All that's left is to bottle it on up. And of course, pour out a small glass and pass it around the group.

I've never tasted anything so sweet. Ever. Took about ten hours of work yesterday to get this, and much more on earlier days, tapping, collecting but I have to say:

So worth it. I'll do it again.

Love and Maple,
Quiche MeDeadly

Yesterday was all about going back to the Farm of 1000 Ways to Die, with Slam'er, for the first part of of a Maple Syrup Adventure! I've wanted to learn how this all works since I was five and read Little House In The Big Woods. It hasn't, it seems, changed that much since those days, which makes me happy.

The taps are called "Spiles" I kept forgetting the name and all I could remember this morning was "Snipe" which I knew was wrong. Put it in my list of questions and Slams set me right. She said Snipes are different and we'll go hunting them later this summer.

This tool never had a name that I knew. I do know if you take the hammer and hit IT while it is on the spile, the spile will be into the tree quite nicely with little fuss.

This would be the Sugar Shack, with Gators (remember them from Burr Gully? We stayed out of that misbegotten place this time, tho we did go look at it, and wonder how we'd ever...well, never mind, that was then)

I have no idea why we brought a chainsaw along to make syrup. My best guess is that these country people are simply not comfortable being too far away from CERTAIN DEATH.

Here on the drive out to the woods, let's just talk a moment about the whole Chicken Incident. I kind of like chickens and hoped we could go visit them and, you know, gather some eggs, like last time. Slam'er was obliging, and we did. The only thing, the chickens were ON their nests this time. "Go on", says, Slams, "just reach right on under and grab the eggs" Hello? Really? This has GOT to be a joke on the City Girl, thinks me. Sadly, no.

When she stopped laughing at me, she showed me how, just sort of reached in, and her chicken got up with a "Oh dear me, sorry, let me move over so you can get those" attitude. MY chicken stayed right where she was, glared at me like a crazed serial killer and started making noises like a Sci-fi monster straight out of a Dr Who episode (in fact I may go back and record this noise, they could use it) NOT clucking chicken noises, and pecked me half to death with her razor sharp beak. Never saw so much blood, but the surgeons believe the hand can be reattached and will in time be useful again.

Damm chickens. Ima going back there...

Anyway, back to the woods. First, you need to drill a hole in the tree, which is really cool because on a lot of them sap came GUSHING out. I don't think this hurts the tree, they don't seem to mind, you can see the scars from previous years all over the maples. Kyle Cassidy thought that the holes were made by shooting the trees with guns, which I have to admit, would have been fun and added an element of danger to the whole thing, but no. Just a regular little drill thing.


Here's what it looks like once it is in...

And with a bucket hung over it, for sap to drip into....


And all that's left is for someone to pop a lid onto the bucket. That would be my job.

Some trees can have more than one bucket. According to Slam'er, here's how you can tell:

"Trees must be at least 10" at DBH (Diameter at Breast Height...this is an actual term, I didn't make it up) to be tapped. When they are 16" DBH they can have 2 taps, 24" gets 3 taps and 30" gets 4 taps. We've never had a tree with 5 taps....yet. :)"

You have to be able to tell which trees are Maple's, just any old tree will not do. And of the Maples you need to be able to tell if the tree is going to be a good runner. Slam'er and Papa Slam'er have it down to an art form, they can tell by looking, and they can also tell you which particular tree is the best, remembering them from previous years.

I like that. And I like it that this really is the way it's been done for 100's of years. You go out in the woods with some buckets and spiles and tap 'em into the trees. There's a more modern method too, and we'll talk about that as well. It's the Total Leg Workout method of syrup making.

This is what it looks like, looking up into the Maple, to see if it's a good one. (Mostly, I just liked my Tree Picture and wanted to include it)

This is the more modern method, which they use on the Really Really Steep hills because too many people were dying, I mean slipping and sliding, down the Really Really Steep hills some of the trees were on. This was un-popular because you ended up not only losing your bucket of sap, but you'd also be wearing it by the time you got to the bottom.

The way it works is there are lines that start at the top of the Really Really Steep hill, and they go from tree to tree, with a tap at each tree, all flowing down to a large collecting bin at the bottom, so the sap doesn't have to be carried down in buckets by hand. Of course, someone has to climb on up the Really Really Steep hills, check to see if Evil Squirrels (all squirrels are evil, I learned. And deadly) have chewed thru, replacing the bits that were, and tap the trees, as they don't STAY tapped all year.

Hence the Total Leg Workout.

Plenty of workout opportunities in the woods. Here's me doing the upper body portion of the training. Had some self interest here too, since it would apparently make it safer to drive the gator over the gully if the bridge had been shoveled first.

One of the stories they told me yesterday was how in the spring, as the snow melted, the water from the upper pastures, and the hills, would come down and fill the gully, making a proper river of it. One of the most wonderful things I ever did see was looking up and SEEING the exactly moment this happened, as we were driving back. Within moments, the gully went from snow filled and empty to a raging river. Here, it's coming...

And here, it's a river. Magic.

It's all Magic. Woods Magic. Old Woods Magic. I loved being a part of it. And there's still gathering, and actually making the syrup. If you look very closely, in this picture Slam'er took for me, you can just see the drip of sap before it falls into the bucket. It drips, and drips, until the bucket is full. There are 730 taps out there in the woods, all dripping into their buckets, slowly filling.

It takes about 40 gallons of sap to make one gallon of syrup.

But they gave me a cup to drink. It was like drinking Woods.

Or Magic.

Love and Maple,
Quiche MeDeadly