Mailbag and Question Night.....
Where, oh where did you come by the gentle/person skelly of the bath? I've been hoping to have one present itself to me, in my far-too-frequent ramblings in odd shops, but thus far, no luck.
My friend Beth, who is AFP's amazing assistant heard I wanted one, and she had an extra.
With what musician or group would you love to jam?
Melissa Etheridge, hands down.
Oh, I have a Quiche question: Do you like Star Trek?
Well, I don't DISLIKE it. I don't really watch it tho.
What cell phone are you using these days?
Blackberry Curve. Someday I will learn how to make it play music for my ringtones.
How would you have fixed Underworld: Rise of the Lycans?
I would have stuck to the story as it was laid out in the first two movies. And let Viktor be a real character.
Where would you like to see the Underworld franchise go from here?
Well, I am all for a fourth, depending on who writes, directs and stars. They certainly left it hanging. I will miss Lucian and the Elders tho.
Do you need anyone to rake leaves at Spooky House, or is that a service provided by Merry Housekeeper and/or Spooky Daughter?
What do you mean Rake Leaves? I leave them. They are leaves. Duh.
What albums do you have more or less completely memorized?
Currently Lady Gaga. And all of the Oysterband.
What's for dinner?
Well, it might be a lot of things. Can't say for sure at this point. Is tea and cookies dinner?
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
You obviously have me confused with the Birdchick, who COULD tel you that.
What is your favourite Bengal rescue story?
Magic, my F1. He had been thru several homes, getting further down each time, and more withdrawn, someone declawd ALL his paws. His last owner had no idea what he was and couldn't handle him and took him to a shelter, who said they could not take him and would have to kill him, if we didn't help. I drove 5 hours across the state and got him. He's far from ok, but his eyes have wonder in them now, and not hate and fear. THAT is why I do this.
does @neilhimself ever make you do anything embarrassing like take his boxers to be dry-cleaned?
I have worked for him for 17 years, and he doesn't MAKE me do anything. My job is whatever needs to be done. I would question his thoughts tho, on that one. He would probably have a good reason.
What was the funniest thing that happened while your boss was gone?
Jonathon Coulton, Paul and Storm coming for a visit.Having them visit is just like their shows, only it never stops and they don't sing. Much.
How did you get your job with Mr. Gaiman?
I put his library on his shelves when he moved here 17 years ago and figured I'd stay until everything got done. It's not.
Is it written anywhere how you got into bengals and rescuing them?
I just loved the look of them, and what I read of them, and I had never bought a cat before, and never for that kind of $$. I had just got my own house and really wanted two. Them my Boss found the Bengal Rescue site and I found out how many needed homes and help, and I wanted to do all that I could.
I can't regret Venus and Mim, but if I'd have known about rescue first, I would have gone that route.
Is Neilhimself going to take a picture of you with the LOMO camera?
No.
Zombie apocalypse, you're in a mall. Pick your weapon, person (alive or dead), and song blasting over the PA system.
Hmm, good one. Barracuda, by Heart. Obviously. Mace. The metal thing, not the spray. And I am pretty sure I'd want Woodsman Hans. The man knows more about Zombies, Zombie Movies and how to survive them than anyone I have ever known.
When is the video crew coming to shoot the Spooky House Show?
We aren't shooting my show HERE! I've had film crews out before, if only for a day, it's a lot of fun yes, but not something you'd want around week after week.
Can you overindulge a cat?
Uh, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of sheets do you like?
Clean. And expensive. I am really a snob that way. And I love being in bed.
That came out weird, but true....So true.
Thanks everyone! This was way fun! And now you know...
Don't you?
Love and Questions,
Lorraine
My friend Beth, who is AFP's amazing assistant heard I wanted one, and she had an extra.
With what musician or group would you love to jam?
Melissa Etheridge, hands down.
Oh, I have a Quiche question: Do you like Star Trek?
Well, I don't DISLIKE it. I don't really watch it tho.
What cell phone are you using these days?
Blackberry Curve. Someday I will learn how to make it play music for my ringtones.
How would you have fixed Underworld: Rise of the Lycans?
I would have stuck to the story as it was laid out in the first two movies. And let Viktor be a real character.
Where would you like to see the Underworld franchise go from here?
Well, I am all for a fourth, depending on who writes, directs and stars. They certainly left it hanging. I will miss Lucian and the Elders tho.
Do you need anyone to rake leaves at Spooky House, or is that a service provided by Merry Housekeeper and/or Spooky Daughter?
What do you mean Rake Leaves? I leave them. They are leaves. Duh.
What albums do you have more or less completely memorized?
Currently Lady Gaga. And all of the Oysterband.
What's for dinner?
Well, it might be a lot of things. Can't say for sure at this point. Is tea and cookies dinner?
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
You obviously have me confused with the Birdchick, who COULD tel you that.
What is your favourite Bengal rescue story?
Magic, my F1. He had been thru several homes, getting further down each time, and more withdrawn, someone declawd ALL his paws. His last owner had no idea what he was and couldn't handle him and took him to a shelter, who said they could not take him and would have to kill him, if we didn't help. I drove 5 hours across the state and got him. He's far from ok, but his eyes have wonder in them now, and not hate and fear. THAT is why I do this.
does @neilhimself ever make you do anything embarrassing like take his boxers to be dry-cleaned?
I have worked for him for 17 years, and he doesn't MAKE me do anything. My job is whatever needs to be done. I would question his thoughts tho, on that one. He would probably have a good reason.
What was the funniest thing that happened while your boss was gone?
Jonathon Coulton, Paul and Storm coming for a visit.Having them visit is just like their shows, only it never stops and they don't sing. Much.
How did you get your job with Mr. Gaiman?
I put his library on his shelves when he moved here 17 years ago and figured I'd stay until everything got done. It's not.
Is it written anywhere how you got into bengals and rescuing them?
I just loved the look of them, and what I read of them, and I had never bought a cat before, and never for that kind of $$. I had just got my own house and really wanted two. Them my Boss found the Bengal Rescue site and I found out how many needed homes and help, and I wanted to do all that I could.
I can't regret Venus and Mim, but if I'd have known about rescue first, I would have gone that route.
Is Neilhimself going to take a picture of you with the LOMO camera?
No.
Zombie apocalypse, you're in a mall. Pick your weapon, person (alive or dead), and song blasting over the PA system.
Hmm, good one. Barracuda, by Heart. Obviously. Mace. The metal thing, not the spray. And I am pretty sure I'd want Woodsman Hans. The man knows more about Zombies, Zombie Movies and how to survive them than anyone I have ever known.
When is the video crew coming to shoot the Spooky House Show?
We aren't shooting my show HERE! I've had film crews out before, if only for a day, it's a lot of fun yes, but not something you'd want around week after week.
Can you overindulge a cat?
Uh, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of sheets do you like?
Clean. And expensive. I am really a snob that way. And I love being in bed.
That came out weird, but true....So true.
Thanks everyone! This was way fun! And now you know...
Don't you?
Love and Questions,
Lorraine
186 Comments:
What fun!
that was fun! \o/
Cool!
Do you prefer high-thread-count cotton or another kind of sheet?
I see we have the same philosophy when it comes to raking.
Leaves was my favorite question/answer. People in the room all looked up when they heard the loud "HEH!"
Yeah, now we know! I love the Question Nights; we should do these more often, Quiche.
The "I love being in bed" thing reminded me of the "turn me on" thing at Charlie's. Raise your hands if you remember traumatizing innocent young Emily.
And also, I can hardly believe Magic was going to be killed. It astounds me to think Magic would have died. I don't know why. It just. Does.
Favorite sheet brand? Quick! Or am I too late? High-thread-count snobs (i.e., me) want to know.
I totally agree with the leaves and the sheets.
And the velocity of the swallow question. Ah, the memories....
Ah yes, sheets...
And I would leave the leaves, but Steve finds some solace in trying to order them around...
Can't think of my fav sheet brand just now. I try and find places like overstock where they will sell $600 sheets for half price.
I have two beds up there, so I change them both once a week, and kind of alternate beds. I know, I need a life...If I had a Housekeeper I would have clean sheets every day.
Yes, Magic would have died. No one wanted him, wanted to try and reach him, or love him or see what was there. Except me.
I had told Janet I wanted an EG foster and she called me, and was REALLY honest about his chances. (pretty bleak) I went and got him anyway, she kind of cried.
Never GOT raking leaves. I mean, why not let them lie, break down and make, well, dirt stuff, and you can have them mown the next year.
besides, most of my leaves are MAPLE leaves, from next door. Clearly NOT my leaves. If they want them picked up, they can come for them.
I always got some satisfaction with blowing the leaves around - kind of like herding cats, but I always blew them under the bushes in the front of the house to moulder away there.
Mmmmm - $600 sheets - my fav.
$600 sheets! And I thought the $100 sheets I got for $79 from Bed, Bath & Beyond were swanky. Yowza!
Although: I have yet to buy a set of sheets from there, or Linens-N-Things, which hasn't disappointed me. Feel fine, but don't hold up very well.
/consumer complaint
I applaud a good weekly sheet-changing routine.
Note I do not PAY $600, I find them in clearence places, like Overstock.com, and combine their prices with the specail offers that come via e-mail, you have to be canny and watch but they are there...
Oh, yeah-- I hear that. I'm thinking I need to buy better. I'm learning a high thread count isn't necessarily the same as full blown sheet nirvana.
But high thread counts don't hurt.
Don't buy retail, too expensive, buy online. And it's not so much the thread count as the feel. And what they are made of.
Order a pillowcase set, then if you like it, go back and grab the set, if it is still there.
I can't believe I am dispensing sheet advice.
I need new ones, all of mine are crap and old now.
I clearly need to see what all the fuss is about good sheets. I am pretty sure I have never slept on really high quality sheets.
I would love to see Q and ME play together. How do we make that happen?
Hee hee! Your blog is so informative. :)
Next week: choosing a silver tea service.
I honestly don't know how people sleep on low thread count non cotton sheets. Can't stand the feel of them.
That ME was, of course, Melissa Etheridge -- not, you know, me.
Dulce (my cat) appreciates your support of his "I can never be OVER indulged" position. I've been out of town for a couple of weeks, so I'm playing I Love You catch up. This could take a (wonderful long) while.
I might get vilified for this, but I like microfiber sheets. And, the kind of sheets they put on little kid beds, where the kid could actually probably pee on them and it would dribble off onto the floor.
-runs and hides-
Yes, my mother thought the "I <3 ME" on a wallet was "I love Maine" but I was convinced it was "I love me" and refused to buy it. I think I was about twelve.
Good night, Fiends.
OK, here's a question.
Is it weird that, although I am thrilled that Mr Neil is visiting NZ next year, I felt the slightest pang because Ms Q was very unlikely to be coming along (what with having to be his assistant and manage everything on the homefront)?
Maybe I just need to distract myself with some nice sheets...
Love all the answers!
Sleeping now...zzzzzzzzzzz
I note you have not answered the question regarding disappearing guests interfaces with Bengals...
Just a drive by ticking of the box.
We raked the leaves the first year we had our house. We'd bought it in October, after all, and it was OUR house with OUR yard and OUR trees and OUR piles of leaves. Oh what a wonderful thing! Well, wonderful for the first 8-10 bags or so. Not so wonderful for the next 15!
The next spring we had to buy a lawnmower because we had a yard! So hubby got a mulching lawnmower and we haven't raked since! The mulching mower takes care of breaking them down into dirt like pieces right away so that in the spring the piles of leaves don't kill the grass. 'Tis a wonderful thing!
Q, you mentioned in one of the other posts back there somewhere a gig at Charlie's next weekend. Is that next weekend the 6th & 7th? Or next weekend the 13th & 14th? This is an important distinction because I'm pretty much completely free one of those weekends, and out of town in Siren, WI the other one. :) If it is the 6th & 7th I just may come check out the 1st & 2nd sets one of those nites.
~the other Sharon, not quite dead
Mmm sheets.
Mine are not great, but I do love expensive sheets. If I had a housekeeper and someon to do the ironing I'd have lovely highthreadcount sheets, too.
I'm going to see Mitch Benn tonight. Looking forward to it lots.
I love this place. Where else could you have an earnest discussion about bed sheets?!
What IS a high thread count anyhow? I grew up in a poor country where you only every get old fashioned plain white cotton ones and those are still my favourite but you just can't get 100% cotton sheets anymore it seems.
Did get Egyptian cotton ones once which are ok, and another (for me) expensive set of thin white cotton ones from a high end department store and I love those too but would still love to have those nice thick cotton ones that I grew up with (maybe time to go raid Nana's linen cupboard).
Yay for Magic rehabilitation, hopefully there will be some F1 updates soon with pics! Quiche - the Bengal Whisperer they call her.
I've just realised I told a complete fib. We did have all manner of sheets and in colour (flannel ones in winter) but I was thinking of my favourites from my Nana's house.
Blame it on the morning and the fact that I'm on my first coffee.
Fun blog Lorraine. And I am not surprised Magic would have died. Shelters will only keep the adoptable and he wasn't. Which is going to be the subject of my next blog.
Well, thank goodness I asked before I showed up unannounced to rake all of your leaves and bag them on the curb.
Mmmmm... luxury sheets. Threadcount isn't everything is true, but the loveliest sheets I've ever had were 600 threadcount. Soft soft soft is how I like them. Unfortunately, with the high threadcount it means the threads are thinner, and these loveliest of lovely sheets have just the other day rent in the night. I'm very sad, but thankfully I came upon this sheet discussion in time for it to influence my new-sheet-procurement.
Also a big fan of leaving leaves. In fact, I gather the bags of leaves the neighbors put on the curb and spread them on my treeless backyard! Makes for better dirt and a rosemary bush that lives through the winter.
Am jealous of the sheets. Old horse blankets and a sleeping trunk is all I can look forward to at the end of the day.
Luckies!
I just want to know who gets to be the person who does the counting to check that there really is 1,000 threads per inch on 1,000 thread count sheets.
I remember the first set of 200 thread count sheets I bought. What a difference in texture from the sheets I had grown up with! I buy better quality sheets now, though I have made the mistake of buying a microfiber sheet set for Seren. She's happy with it, but I wouldn't be.
Emily, mezzo, coloratura, and lyric are all sopranos. The differences are not so much in range as in vocal timbre. You can work on, and succeed, in stretching your range. Timbre is more genetic, and age, related. Remember, a woman's voice does not fully mature until she's between the ages of 40 and 50. I can tell you from personal experience that my voice has had more richness and depth since I turned 40. I have a hard time listening to Charlotte Church's first two albums because I can hear how young she was when they were recorded.
I also LOVE expensive sheets, I get them from a retail store that has good sales once in a while. The lastest ones have bamboo fiber in them and are incredibly soft and have held up very well.
Oh! And congratulations Adri and OSS!! Those look like really tasty recipes. :)
Sharon, the gigs are indeed this weekend, both friday and saturday, which ought to be very fun!
Wish I was back in my lovely bed.
I give you permission to get back in your comfy bed.
Morning/Evening all
PG, I reckon the only place you could get those beautiful thick cotton sheets these days would be where they supply the hospitality industry. They are my absolute favorites too, but I haven't seen any like that in a shop for, oh, a good twenty years.
Right. Time for my second cuppa I think!
I hope everyone else is having a better week than I am.
Sunday - sick
Tuesday - accused of unethical business practices, and no one shows up for belly dance class
Wednesday - hear about Tropical Storm Ida heading toward Nicaragua while two close friends are on a cruise to the Panama Canal that left last Saturday or Sunday
This morning - TS Ida upgraded to Hurricane Ida making landfall in Nicaragua and expected to head to the Yucatan peninsula, then into the Gulf of Mexico
This afternoon - Shootings at Ft. Hood by 2 or 3 shooters, 7 dead and 12 wounded. I expect this will make the national news tonight.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I now return you to your regularly scheduled Fiendish chatter.
They've been talking about the shooting here just now Ariandalen. Is it far from you?
Fingers crossed for your friends. Doesn't sound like much fun for them, and for you my dear HUGE hugs.
Thanks, Sally.
Ft. Hood is within 50 miles. It takes about 45 minutes to drive there, but that is not a direct route. It's probably 30-35 miles directly.
It has been confirmed that there are 3 shooters, only one of which is in custody. One is in a building surrounded by a SWAT team, and the third is still loose. There are now 20 wounded, but no more are dead.
I hadn't heard about that shooting! My stepdad grew up at Ft. Hood (way back when)! One of the few military bases I've heard of.
Close enough to be really scary Ariandalen. I hope they find the third shooter soon, so everyone can feel a little safer again.
I'm glad you're all right, Ariandalen. And I am sorry to hear about those who weren't.
Fiends, I think this might be a good place to come for a slice of advice: I have to do a 2-3 minute monologue on Tuesday, and I'm not sure which to pick. I'll be looking through my collection of works at home and here at the library but what are your favorites? ...
And I'm open to anything and everything - it can be a woman, but it can also be the manliest man on the planet.
Ft. Hood is currently the largest military base in the world. Thousands of families live on base, and it is on hard lock down.
Ariandalen - you HAVE had a bad week - and it's not even over. Hope it goes uphill from here.
I bought some good sheets from Target (oddly enough) thick and soft and smooth, 600 thread count cotton. Grey.
Two separate shootings, Soldier Development Building and Howze Theater, are confirmed to have happened at 1:30 PM, and third is unconfirmed at 3:33 PM in a housing area and they've been told to shut down their ventilation systems.
Excuse me, that should have been Soldier Readiness Center.
Confirmed 12 dead, 31 wounded.
The confirmed shooter, a soldier, was shot and killed. There are still a possible two more shooters.
Ariandalen, I hadn't heard about shootings yet. Glad you are not closer!
Good sheets are a great thing. Low thread count sheets don't last long when dogs sleep on the bed. They tend to rip when dogs scratch to get under the covers.
I just read about the shootings on CNN. Words fail...
I was wrong. The shootings all took place at approximately 1:30 PM CST in the Sportsdome complex, not at the Howze Theater or in a housing area.
Stunned.
Sick.
This is SO Not Right.
No. It's not.
ugh. humanity fail. thoughts going out to everyone on base who lost or is living in fear. how horrible.
i did quite enjoy the post last night but failed to comment.
Not much here tonight, finally admitted yesterday I am in fact sick, no fun, but better today than last night.
Spent the entire night with a stone cup of tea, several of them. against my poor face and head. Only thing that made it feeel better. Not flu, just a cold, but it makes me whine.
Worked from the couch today in between naps.
Tell me some jokes or something...
where do horses live?
in neigh-borhoods.
lol!
I am absolutely no good with jokes. If something funny must be said, it has to be spontaneous. I cannot plot and analyze a systematic joke. So I'll step out and let other Fiends take over.
Emily, i am no good with jokes either.
I liked your joke Vampi, I never said they had to be GOOD jokes...
I just need some Fiend love, I hate being sick alone, Mim is cuddleing me sleeping on my legs under the blanket.
More Jokes! The worse the better!
Hope you feel better for the weekend gigs, Q. I can only think of the Eric Idle joke, which goes: What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
The news is awful tonight, and I am very tired. I also have some mulled wine, here, which makes me feel warm and light-headed, and decidedly un-witty.
Last workshop of the season tonight. I really liked this group, and am kind of sad to stop. But I'm also feeling a little burned out, and tired of working on other people's stuff. So it goes. Hoping to pick up with them again in January, if the library says yes; they all want to come back and keep going. Which is nice.
Reading at the cafe down the street next Friday. No idea what I'm going to read. More fun that way. Kind of thinking I might write something special. Like a spooky story for Friday the 13th, which it will be.
Ramble ramble. What's everyone else hdoimg this weekend? Anything fun?
How can you tell there's a cowboy in your closet?
You can smell the hay on his horse's breath.
I liked that joke, Jess. FULL weekend here with gigs, work and houseguests, Hmmph.
I did learn something interesting the other day. Lear's name is NOT Lear. Kid you not. It's Luka.
Called him that by accident and he snapped arund, mewed and came running. Kept it up, never saw such a change in a cat. That's his name.
Who knew?
Wow, and doesn't he live on the 2nd floor? Upstairs from you?
*groan*
Ben's favorite joke:
What did the skeleton ask for when he walked in the bar?
A drink and a mop.
And i think i've told that one here before! ;-)
Ew. apparently Grendel is not feeling well. Came home to find a large and smelly... deposit... on the mat by the patio door. Made cleanup easy - rolled the mat up and put it in a trashbag.
Poor puppy now feels horribly guilty on top of his digestive upset, as he knows very well that defecating should only be done outside, and hasn't done that in the house in the past 8 years (and that time he was even sicker).
Hopefully it was a minor upset and he's gotten it out of his system now.
Okay, I realize that wasn't a joke. Sorry.
Poop stories are ok too, not to worry.
I love that joke Chantrell. Billy, still working yours out, but that could just be my brain tonight, a bit addled.
Ben turns everything into a poop joke. Even if it makes no sense!
Knock knock...
who's there..
Poop!!
yep, that's my house.
He's been getting into Holy Grail clips on youtube. He walks around saying "icky, icky, icky, icky, kapang, zoop, boing!"
And he counts "1, 2, 5....3!!!"
I got two groaners in an email this morning...
Yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison for drink
driving. He was given six months but the police don't think
he will finish his sentence
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny
sense of humour my plumber has.
I'm going to see This Is It on Sunday with my best friend and her son. REALLY looking forward to it.
Not you. Lame joke.
I really do like the skeleton and the mop joke, though.
Those were good jokes Sally.
Billy, lame jokes are what I live for, can't remember a good one to save my life...
Took another Nurofenplus. The UK really knows how to make ibuprofen, headache body ache sinus be gone...
Have any of you tried linen sheets? I got one set a year or two ago, and now can't imagine sleeping on anything else. I hang them in the basement to dry. The linen pillowcases they came with sort of turned to Swiss cheese, but the sheets themselves are doing fine. They are Italian linen. Maybe there are other kinds of linen sheets too.
so i saw this on mentalfloss and it made me giggle, this guy took dead flys and drew pictures. i mead it's gross but funny too. not too gross.
fly art
i was also amused by this steven wright vs mitch hedberg quiz
I say the Ben stories are good enough. For me, anyway!
They also know how to do triple-whammy flu meds. Beechams ftw! Even comes Individual-Serving Sachets.
Chantrelle!! Hee hee! :D
I loev these. We need to have more joke nights.
Here's the other one I can think of: An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. And it hurt.
An Irishman goes into a bar and orders three shots of Jameson, and the bartender says Three? Why three?
Ah, I drink for my 2 brothers back in Ireland. This goes on for some years and one day he comes in and only orders 2 shots.
The bartender, thinking the worst says, oh, I am sorry, did something happen to one of your brothers?
No, no, says the Irishman, I just quit drinking...
That's a funny joke.
I hope you feel better soon. It's nice to have remedies from another country.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
(DH made the mistake of telling the next one to our three nephews, all aged 6, a few years ago. I'm not sure he's been forgiven yet, as it has lasted for YEARS)
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Ma' dam
ma' dam who?
Ma damn foot's stuck in the door!
As you can imagine, he's become Uncle Ma'damna in some quarters. Asked, by me, what he could possibly have been thinking, he replied, "It was the only joke I could think of."
I guess it could have been worse...
Big hugs to adriandalen, and thanks, Q for the skellie info. One will appear at some point.
They are out there Dabbler, I think Majorie found a place where they sell factory 2nd skellies, not perfect for medicial models but lovely. Wrong number of ribs and such...
Nice jokes!
Good Night. Off to sleep in my high count purple sheets....
(should I admit they came from Goodwill...shhh.)
Sleep well, and have lovely days, fiends
Thanks for the hugs, Fiends.
How many Baylor students does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it may take a while because he'll wait for the world to revolve around him.
For all those who love trader joes, a friend just sent this to me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdB7GDZY3Pk&feature=player_embedded
Sorry you are not feeling well Q.
Great jokes. I don't seem to have any to add...
Pig fell in the mud?
I have been away from my computer much today and now I am sleepy.
Ariandalen, sending thoughts for peace to your part of the world.
The thing I find hardest to take....is that the shooter went into a place I and my fellow reservists know just a bit too well...one of the last places we see before going over, and hence one of the last safe places...
Was he trying, in his broken mind, to defend Muslims by making sure there were just a few less soldiers to send over?
Okay, end political/emotional semi-rant...
h'ray for great sheets. Yes, they make a difference EVERYWHERE!! Tho I didn't know until now the sweet tricks of Overstock.com and Goodwill. Bowing to superior shopping skills, I am.
Jokes a little later. Just a little while later....
Okay, I just can't leave on SUCH a negative note....
TRADER JOE'S!!! wOOt!! Thank you, Chantrelle....I've heard the song before, but not seen the video (don't ask me how.) What struck in memory was "it's your favorite things, that aren't there any more?"
hehehehehe
Also, BIG CONGRATS to BEEEEEZ!!!!!
Saw your note on my Facebook wall; I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! yay. yay. and...YAY!!
Will we ever know what was in his mind? And was it actually a suicide attempt? Psychiatrists as a profession have a really high suicide rate.
I feel so much for everyone affected by this.
And now a question. I have accidentally dyed a little too much of my face while doing my hair. Any helpful suggestions? I've tried creams to no avail - soaped like mad too.
Dragonsally....test your toothpaste for an unbearable allergic reaction on your skin.
Then smear a thickness of toothpaste on the stained parts. Leave for at least 30 minutes. Seriously.
Rinse earlier if unpleasant sensation arises.
Best with whitening toothpaste. No, I'm not kidding.
Used to dye my hair.
A LOT!!.
re shootings: Nightline is going in detail on today's events even as I type.
oh, sorry sally. good coverup? i'm pretty lucky in that the dye never seems to stay on my skin for very long.
i need to get some grown up sheets. we have a bunch of the tshirt sheets in a bag. they are darn comfy, and the bamboo ones are super soft. i shall try the ostock trick.
and for my jotp (joke of the post)
why did the banana leave in the middle of the movie?
it didn't appeal to him.
i love jokes!
Emily, re: the monologues, I have some nice bits by Peter Barnes at home, but they might be a little long.
Taking a part in a favourite play is another good way to go.
Old piece of rope walks into a bar, orders a drink.
Bartender says "we don't serve ropes here. Sorry"
....Rope gets all twisted up into a half hitch and starts shedding fiber, he's so mad.
Walks back into the bar. Orders a drink.
Bartender "hey, we had this conversation--aren't you a rope?"
Comes the reply "Frayed Knot."
I'm here all knight... :)
If a mason mortars his father
and lays his mother
does that mean he has an edifice complex?
frayed knot is classic!
the mason joke was painful :D
jotp:
"Which garden has the fastest growing vegetables?" The answer: Flash Garden.
for jess:) and bonus controversy over the joke:
faux neus strikes again
which makes it funnier to me.
lys.. that was seriously clever. The new girls are doing well, actually came out for a cuddle.
Dabbler - the skelly link I sent to Q was this one
Jokes..hmm, scabbling around in my heap of lawyer jokes I offer you:
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the motorway and a dead lawyer on the motorway?
A. Skid marks in front of the dog.
Oh, and cool news about Luka's new name :-) (even it it deons'tgo so well with Mab's, anymore. Maybe he can keep King Lear as a title?
Thank you for the tip, Nathalie! I was thinking I might look for something in "The Cherry Orchard" by Chekhov but I'm not sure if I could find a monologue in there.
Hey, Dabbler, I have to admit I liked your joke.
I dreamt last night there was another Fiendfest and my mother showed up and I almost died of embarrassment.
Go Team Gaiman on Carnegie Award 2010 nomination for TGB!!
We are having a smorgasbord of weather this morning - rain, sun, cold, wind - like the sky can't make up its mind what season it is.
Jokes..... my mind is drawing a complete blank... except for one a priest once told me but that's not suitable for a family blog and requires a dandelion clock....
Hope you're feeling better, Q, and all other lurgied Fiends.
I've got a joke, but I don't know how well it works in text. The is a mountain folk joke, and to get the full effect you have to read it out loud the way they would say it, pronouncing "beer" and "bear" as "bar". I will spell them "b'er" and "b'ar" respectively.
One day a b'er walking into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "Bartender, get this b'ar a b'er."
The bartender doesn't even look up and says, "We don't serve no b'ar no b'er in this bar."
The b'ar gets mad, howls in rage, looks the bartender right in the eyes and says, Bartender, you'd better get this b'ar a b'er."
The bartender looks up and him and says, "We don't serve no b'ar no b'er in this bar."
Now the b'ar gets really mad, goes a rampage around the bar, knocking over tables and throwing chairs. Then the b'ar sees a woman of ill repute at the end of the bar, scoops her up suddenly and devours her in one bloody bite.
The b'ar goes back to the bartender, slams his paws down on the bar, and says, "Bartender, get this b'ar a b'er."
The bartender looks at the b'ar real calm-like, says, "I told you once, I told you twice, now I'm going to tell you one last time: we don't serve no b'ar no b'er in this bar. And we frown on drug use."
...
And the b'ar looked at the bartender in confusion, just the way you're looking at me right now.
The bartender gestured towards the bloody stain at the end of the bar. "That's a bar-bitch-you-ate."
Dan, that's just hideous. Thanks.
Oh Dan, that is such a groaner. Not that that's such a bad thing, especially on a Monda... um... Friday morning.
I'm back at work. Not sure I should be, but I need to be.
I realized that I have nothing to fear from the zombie apocalypse. Clearly I will be among the first infected, so my worries will be over. You all have my permission to decapitate me if I try to eat your brains.
I don't think I could decapitate you, Linda.
Ouf, Dan, It could some confused mumbling to get that one... But it's pretty good.
Zombie apocalypse? I haven't seen my brain in weeks. Maybe it already started (and nobody told me. AS USUAL).
Grumph.
What? When? Who? I missed the apocalypse? Dammit I need to get a better work-life balance, so much goes by without me noticing it.
Dan, your joke works perfectly with a Northern Irish accent.
So these two hikers, a Czech and a German, go off on their own one morning. When they don’t come back to camp a search party is sent out. The search party follows the trail into a cave where two huge bears are sleeping, one male, one female, surrounded by shredded clothes and boots.
The bears are killed and they open up the female to retrieve a body – it’s the German hiker. So you know what this means?
The Czech’s in the male!
hahaha loving these "grizzly" bear jokes:D
Math joke:
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician says, "I'll have a pint."
The second mathematician says, "I'll have a half of what he's having."
The third mathematician says, "And I'll have a half of what he's having."
The bartender says, “Oh, for f***'s sake," and pulls two pints.
I know. I don't get it either.
I do, but I'll only explain if you buy me a pint of my own.
Hee! I've had it explained to me by my resident mathematician, ackshally. But I'll buy you one anyway. :)
Good morning. Dan, that's awful. I must tell DH, who will be able to remember it and tell it.
Today's attempt, emboldened by Dan's dealing with dialect...
And set to the music of "You say tomato..."
You say Carmeena, I say Carmynah,
You say Bureena, I say Burynah,
Carmeena, Carmynah, Bureena, Burynah,
Let's Carl the whole thing Orff....
Running away now.
Off to Cape May for the weekend, so may not have much fiend time. We're going to with two other couples...and I think have managed to avoid having to leave for a funeral in the middle of the weekend. Of course, leaving DD and three of her closest friends staying at out house...
Should be fun. Lots of food, drink, and games. Peaceful. That's us...not DD.
hahahaha <3 math jokes!
It is also OUR house. I am not leaving her in an out house. In case any of you were wondering. We DO have indoor plumbing.
Customer: I am looking for a globe of the earth.
Librarian: We have a table-top model over here.
Customer: No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?
Librarian: [pauses] Yes, but it's in use right now.
There is a town in Texas just south of Dallas named Waxahachie (pronounced Woks uh HATCH ee). It is a Native American word meaning "little round balls of buffalo dung," as the town was built where there had been a large watering spot for buffalo. This is a joke my maternal grandfather used to tell about how the town got its name.
A Native American was walking up a hill while carrying a basket of eggs. He stumbled and a couple of the eggs fell out of the basket, rolling before breaking. He uttered, "Hmm. Walkie before hatchie."
I like your joke, OSS. :)
My grandfather used to tell me that the cows grazing on the mountainside had front legs shorter than their hind legs and that's how they stayed on the steep slopes.
I never knew my maternal grandfather. He died three weeks before I was born.
Tells you how old the joke is. :)
Go math.
Wow! Jokes. I needed a laugh. What a great way to start today. Now, dishes.
Emily, you may have said it before but what is the monologue for?
Morning! Feeling great here and ready for the day of work, guests and gigs! No worries, the cold is cured and gone!
Well, no, it isn't, but that's what I am going with, having no other options...
About to go to work in my jammies and take a shower. Still no curtain in the new bathroom for mine. Ought to help.
Very glad you feel better, Q! Have a great day. I am really looking forward to Sat night.
Loe the math and Carl Orff jokes!
Which was love and not loe.
Maybe I should go back to bed...
Not a mathematician, but will take a shot at the beer explanation: Take a piece of paper and rip it in half. Take the second half and rip it in half. Take one of those halves and rip it in half. Keep laying the previous pieces on a table and you will notice no mater how many times you rip the descending pieces of paper in half it adds up to a whole.
Of course that explanation could be as lame as my cowboy in the closet joke.
Ahhh. All these, um, wonderful jokes are keeping me amused as I randomly check my email while running like crazy at work!
Not exactly a joke, but...
Earlier today a girl came in and said she needed batteries. When Sean asked her what kind she said "round ones" Luckily she knew what kind of a camera she had so they could figure out which round ones!!!
~other Sharon, swamped with work
yes billy, that is one way of explaining it, but also it's the age old 1=.999 argument. always a fun discussion to liven up a party. hmm maybe i'm going to the wrong sorts of parties.
warning maths
Nathalie, I thought you wanted us to "lose" the math jokes! I wondered for a moment there if you were in a bad mood. (Not that I would mind. We all have our days.) And Gayle, the monologue is just for a theater program; it looks like if I make the program I'll be in "Rent" - they need teens for that, I believe. I found a couple from "The Cherry Orchard" that look good. That is my favorite play, so ... I feel lucky to have found them.
I shall use .999~ for 1 from now on, because it is very cool. Thanks~ vampi!
Q: Why did the raisin go to the doctor?
A: 'Cause he wasn't feeling that grape.
Loving all the jokes! Don't have one...
Esp the bears and Carl Orff.
Q - like your attitude about the cold :-)
Dan's a funny Guy.
snicker....;)
Emily- what about Sam's "I can believe" monologue from American Gods?
I have never read the full "American Gods" ... and I thought it was a better idea to do a theatrical monologue, because this is my first time auditioning with one, but that's a good suggestion. I DID think about doing the "My Life" monologue from "Fragile Things"!!
Emily, I would go with what you know for your monologue. Know the character, but don't limit yourself to plays for your monologue. The Bible has a lot, even for women.
If you are more comfortable using a monologue from a play, by all means use it! You might also look at Ariel's lines in "The Tempest." I've seen the part played by both men and women.
Heh, heh. If I were going to do a monologue I'd do some of Abby Normal's diary entries from "You Suck." The first two chapters of the sequel, "Bite Me," are up on Christopher Moore's blog. Heh, heh again.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's freezing out here.
How many Baylor girls does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to do the second's nails and the third to call Daddy.
I love you guys.
What a great way to start my weekend, jokes and a maths conundrum.
When I have my second cup of tea I will try to think of some more jokes to share.
For Louisa
A tourist asks an Irish fisherman: "Why do Scuba
Divers always fall backwards off their boats into the
water?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If dey fell forwards they'd
still be in the fookin' boat."
Oh I just remembered one:
Why did the surrealist cross the road?
The fish.
For Nat
Q: What's the definition of Bigamist?
A: A foggy day in Italy.
Thanks Sal! That made me giggle (and it's not the wine, honest!)
Okay, I just lifted them straight from a weekly email I get. Now. Tea.
Well, if we are doing light bulb jokes:
How many Jewish sons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I'm fine. I'll just sit in the dark!
Getting tired of the jokes yet, Quiche?
I think I've chosen my monologue - Madame Ravenevsky in "The Cherry Orchard." It's really dramatic and a bit wordy, but it will be good - I love that play.
Have a great show, Q!! See you tomorrow night.
Lots of good jokes!
How many druids does it take to change a light bulb?
13. One to hold the lightbulb and twelve to drink until the room spins.
A pirate goes into a bar, and the bartender gawps at him because he appears to have a steering column sticking out of his bum. The bartender regains his composure enough to ask the pirate "What..IS that?" to which the pirate replies "ARRR, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Do you know the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A frog goes, “Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit!”
A horny toad goes, “Rub it! Rub it! Rub it!”
wOOt! wOOt!
Okay, sadness that I'm not at Charley's (though that would play heck w/my homework) but Friday Night w/Jonathan Ross (you know, Wossy) is kissing it and making it all better:
Green Day, musical guests
Dominic Cooper, having fun re Mama Mia after being welcomed onto the show by THE STYLISTICS!!! RILLY!! THE REAL Stylistics...
and...
Sit down, now...
Main guest:
Christopher Walken!!
don't mind me, I'll be over here hyperventilating in a fansweat. wheeeee!!!
ariandalen: Have I mentioned lately that you *are* an evil child? In the very best way, of course. :)
Why, thank you, Lys!
And now this “child” is going to bed. Night.
Hey, Lys! I too am watching Jonathan Woss. :) I wish you were going to be at the show tomorrow!
Gale: Green Day playing Celebrity or Monster w/Christopher Walken. What more can I say. :)
Seriously! :)
OMF. Walken reading Lady Gaga lyrics? Priceless.
Did you see the show when she was on?
aha i do have wossy on dvr, i shall catch up :)
i saw the gaga wossy love, it was cool. she seemed a bit nervous.
wish i was at charlies :/
Just can't decide what moment is more precious:
CW as self-described "Gwammar Webel" (*not* nice to Wossy!) :)
or
the afore-mentioned Lady Gaga lyrics done as spoken word tone poem. In his own inimitable (though SO many have tried) manner.
ONLY disappointment?
Green Day could have used more Cow Bell.
Just sayin.
Well, Vampi...if we can't be at Charlie's (I'll spell that right one of these days) at least we can be
LOFNOTCAWCWPJR
(Losers of Friday Night on Their Computers AND Watching Christopher Walken Pwn Jonathan Ross)
So nice to have had the company, fellow Fiends--and have a great time tomorrow night, Gale (Gayle? my bad....math ruins my spelling :))
Nighty night!
Sleep well, sleep tight
Don't let the bedbugs bite
without biting back....
Off to bed here as well. Night, night.
Me too! Night fiends!
sleep well my preciousesssssss
Do NOT miss those incredible views of Martian landscape.
Tonight, because it never occurred to me to bring my laptop, instead of LOFNOTL I was LOFNOTiPWWFLR (Losers on Friday Night On Their iPhone While Watching Fabulous Lorraine Rock)
Good time! Home now, tired, going to snuggle up and read my lovely autographed copy of Return to Antarctica that just showed up today!
'nite everyone!
~Sharon
Nat, those photos are amazing, thanks for the link.
Good morning. Happy Saturday (and to Sally: I hope you had a most marvelous Saturday).
Good morning! NOT going to yoga (back hurts) so SMOTC (Sat morning on the computer).
Calvin had a bad day yesterday but after we gave him an anti-nausea injection late afternoon he seemed to perk up and start eating again. This morning he seems OK again.
I wish he could talk...
Good to know he is eating once again.
Oh ... and enjoy your SMOTC.
As for Calvin, we are so taking it not only one day at an time, but almost one hour...
Saw our friend David (who has cancer and the prognosis is not good) last night and he is so upbeat and ready to take this thing on...chemo starts Thursday.
Q hope you're feeling better.
Toni? Are you breathing?? Sorry about the asthma attack :-(
Dear lord 174 comments?!
Anyway, I leave my leaves too. Sad I missed question night though!
Nathalie, those photos are a-maz-ing! Thanks for posting them.
Sharon, glad you had a fun night. Tonight's my turn. :)
Should I *really* feel like I accomplished something big by completing a level in Wii Lego Star War? Probably not, but I do ;-)
Good morning!
hahaha! i know what you mean Chantrelle. i need to dig that game out again. we've been playing beatles rock band incessantly.
Take that feeling of accomplishment where ever you can get it!
Yes, Jane, I am breathing. Actually a little better, and slept lots last night. Still wish I would have been able to go on the planned trip, but it looks like they're having fun without me (which is a good thing, really). I've already been told it will happen again and I'd better be there!
Chantrelle, you should feel very accomplished by finishing a level!
It's is so beautiful here today. Sunny, warmish. M and I spent the afternoon on the college campus (which we live across the street from) looking for bugs. I hope other fiends are having a great Sat too.
Sounds nice, Gayle.
I went out to Stourhead - National Trust proprety - went for a lovely walk around the ornamental lake.
Thanks Emily - I had a lovely hot Saturday. We're having a bit of an early heatwave here, which is lovely and tiring at the same time, if you know what I mean. Today I'm going to see This Is It...really looking forward to the film, not so much the drive in a hot car. Dan - we really need those personal transporters!
New Blog up....Short but sweet....
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