Wednesday, May 11, 2011

How Does The Garden Grow?

It's the sort of morning when you notice things. I suppose the first thing we notice is that Freaky Venus is looking nicely EVIL these days. That's her "You suck, where is my supper" look. It doesn't have much to do with anything this morning, but it was all I had in the way of interesting pictures.

First thing I noticed this morning was being all sore, which made me happy. No fun taking a week off and getting back to skating last night was joy. I see Little Evil today again too, and if there is no riding yet THIS week, I am sure next week will be fine.

One thing of skating last night was the FEAR thing we've talked about. I could feel it, getting on skates again. Oh, yeah, it was there. First in my body, then in my head. Really, really didn't want to fall like that again, and doubt was coming in, and that was scary. I finally mentioned it to another skater, and said, I think I'm afraid, which in itself is a really scary thing to admit, you dont' want to come across like a wuss, or a baby in this sport.

She grinned and said "I bet you are! But look how you're catching yourself, going low and forward, you won't make the mistake again of going backwards." She was right. And I am getting better at skating, it's practice, and learning. It's different, way different, than skating on ice. Sure, I'll fall again, and get hit, and take some knocks, but I'm not afraid of that now. And I forgot about the fear, and learned.

If you need to say out loud "I'm afraid" say it. And that's one of the things I am loving most about Derby, and there's a long list. That having someone, a whole lot of someone's, you can not only be completely yourself around, but admit out loud things you don't like about yourself, secrets like that, and know that they are going to understand. And not think less of you. And that makes you stronger.

Well, for a Blog that was going to be about gardening and the very sorry state of mine, this sure went other places. Good enough. Writing about things that scare you is good too. It's like getting FIT. Fall, fail all you must, but get the heck back UP and go on with it.

As far as my Garden goes, come over. Work in it. Plant some things. Pick up all those stick things that seemed to have rained down. Everyone is invited. It will be like a party. We'll have fun. It will be beautiful. It will grow.

Yup. Bordering on a metaphor here, so I think I am done.

For the moment.

Love and Gardens,
Lorraine

47 Comments:

At 09:28 Blogger Phiala said...

I'd be happy to come tend your garden.

Need to get caught up on mine first...

Heh.

At 09:30 Blogger spacedlaw said...

We are doing Night Garden stuff int he meantime...

We are all afraid of something but most of all we are afraid of being judged on oour fears. Which is nonsense. Admitting your own fears allows you to fight them, relieves the people around you for the false idea that they have to play heroes and cretae a bond with like-minded folks.
Not being afraid would be reckless. It is your fear that makes you learn.

At 09:32 Blogger vampi said...

i love reading your insights from derby :)

At 09:39 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Fear is a sneaky, strong, powerful thing but it can be overcome!

At 09:39 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Fear of the ticky box is strong with this one.

At 09:41 Blogger Jess said...

First everyone needs to come over to my garden and help me clean up all the dead stuff. I still haven't done it. And THINGS ARE COMING UP, for heaven's sake.

The thing I like about gardening is that you can't really screw up. Things will come up. But that's also the problem: things will come up.

It's a metaphor for something.

Night Garden. Yes. Send money and make things and spam all your friends with the link, otherwise Janet and Chris will be sad. If they are made sad, I will want to crawl into a hole and die. I am afraid to die. Please help me to avoid it.

At 09:52 Blogger The D said...

OOOh gardening! I wish I had more room for a garden. At least my roses are looking promising!

I am afraid every time I put in my mouth guard and line up for a jam when my team scrimmages. Doubly so if I'm stepping up to the jammer line. But that is what makes it so perfect. Especially when you get that wonderful sore feeling the next morning :)

At 09:59 Blogger Jean said...

Love it and love your willingness to share. We all need a safe place in which we can admit our failings and work to turn them into successes. I've sometimes said that if I ever get tired of martial arts, I'll try Derby, thanks to your inspiration.

At 10:22 Blogger JBRU said...

I hurt my back at the end of last month and took a couple weeks off of yoga because of it. I'm going back today.

So, of course, my back chooses today to have another flare-up. Well, it won't win! I will do yoga with a sore back! (Though I'll ask the instructor about what I should maybe take it easy with.)

At 10:57 Blogger gaypet said...

Bezz? You out there? We should make a trip out to plant and weed together. You won't mind if we just show up will you, Q? ;)

Good for you for admitting fear. Sometimes saying it out loud really helps me too. Rather than just letting it spiral around in my head.

When I was in college I was into Tae Kwon Do. I really loved it! But I got an ax kick to the face and broke my nose. I never went back. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I should take it up again. Maybe.

At 10:58 Blogger gaypet said...

Good thing I read that over before I posted it. I had written "pant and weed" instead of "plant and weed". Different things entirely!

At 12:01 Blogger Cecily said...

If plane tickets weren't so expensive, I would so come help you garden. I could, quite frankly, use a break from my norm, even if that meant gardening. (I'm not very good at it)

I have found that sometimes just saying. "I'm afraid" is enough to take some of the fear's power away. Good for you Quiche!

At 13:00 Blogger Marjorie said...

And anyone not near enough to go & tidy Quichie's garden is welcome to come and do the same in mine instead!

Having people you trust enough to be able to admit your fears to is wonderful. I think that when we admit we're afraid,we let purselves be vulnerable to/in front of that person, and knowing that it's safe to do that, seeing that trust rewarded is a massive positive boost.

Also, taking our fears and bringing them into the light of dayt often allows us to see, or to be reassured that they *are* real and normal and understandable, but (often) less fearsome than we first think.

I think.

I'm not sure I expressed that very clearly..

At 13:26 Blogger Martha W. said...

It's not a very good day for gardening today, but some day I'd like to come over and garden. You can learn about gardening just by doing it. Two hours of gardening is more than enough in one day, and most people and places need whole armies of gardeners.

At 17:54 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Is this the quake Nathalie was saying was supposed to hit Italy?

(not to make light of people who died...just the guy who predicted the quake)

At 18:34 Blogger Dragonsally said...

And tick...

its too early in the morning for all this wisdom.

At 21:10 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Oh my, tired here. Long, was it Wednesday? It's all sort of going together, these days.

Had a really fun time skating at an open skate with some of my Team, been a while since a couple hours skating was so easy.

I need dinner.

Seems to dark for gardening...

At 22:12 Anonymous Beth said...

I'm so happy how this is turning out for you. Finding a community of any kind that accepts you is wonderful. One that helps you grow, face and transform fear is a precious gift. Enjoy every moment of it!

At 22:48 Blogger Beez said...

I'm here.

Fearless Leader wants black petunias. Black violas have already bee acquired.

Finals week this week. There will be TIME soon afterward...possibly not for long.

Oh, and I AM going to work on my own yard this time too, Missy (not Gayle missy, Q missy).

At 23:30 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Considering how many Fiends are cat owners...does anyone have any suggestions on how to make syringe feeding less traumatic for an old cat?

At 06:28 Blogger Phiala said...

So Q... last night I dreamt about you, your boss, Cabal, a bear cub, and a crow so young it still had fawn spots. Plus a high school football team.

And yet it all ended well.

At 07:24 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Good Morning!!!!!!

Mistress, strange dreams...

Sally, DOn't have a lot of ideas, except to make it as quick as possible and give him lots of love afterwards. It's hard when they get so old. I've always gone with the quality of life bar, if they are happy except for the moment of giving medicine, and are living a good life, then yes.

Such a ghostly foggy day!!!

And such a whole lot of work going on!!!

At 07:51 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

WHOA! What happened to my FABULOUS? Why am I now just "Lorraine" I lost my FABULOUS in the Night??????

At 07:55 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Don't worry. You are still Fabulous to us.
(but weird, indeed. Are you sure you aren't logged in under a different old account? The avatar is an old picture too).
And blogger wasn't working htis morning (in the night for you) so maybe they fiddled about...

At 09:11 Blogger LihuaEmily said...

I almost never express real fear. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't help at all to keep it hidden.

At 09:19 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I don't know. This day is going all weird on me...

Cleaned out my car. Just FB'd the PARTIAL list of what I found...

At 09:29 Blogger gaypet said...

I am going to buy plants today for my garden. If I find black petunias I will get some.

Um, a FROG?

At 09:31 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Rather DEAD frog. And I do need Black, you know, whatever they were!

At 10:09 Blogger Jess said...

Is this the same dead frog you found in your bag that one time, or a new one? If the latter, why is there a plague upon you? That ain't right.

At 10:14 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Gods, hadn't thought of that. Was ASSUMING the same one...

At 10:27 Blogger Marjorie said...

Perhaps the frogs know you like spooky, and therefore think that your home/car are good places for a froggy graveyard. No-one told them they should really be skeletons. . .

Blogger has been really playing up - I've had real trouble signing in both last night and today. Glad to know it wasn't *just* me.

At 11:06 Blogger Cecily said...

I slept last night, and I have no work today, and apparently that makes me chatty and chipper. :-)

At 12:29 Blogger spacedlaw said...

I am faced with the delicate matter of finding reviewers for my poetry chapbook.
Any clue about how this is done?

At 11:51 Blogger AletaMay said...

hey blogger is back! tick!

At 12:38 Blogger vampi said...

Rock! on purpose!

At 13:32 Blogger Marjorie said...

just heard Jason Webley is coming to England this summer! Hope he can be tempted to gig near me :-)

At 13:37 Blogger spacedlaw said...

He just sent an email asking about where in Italy he should come to...

At 13:49 Blogger Na said...

yeah, blogger's back but now twitter is all fail-whale.

i have in fact just been to a place that sells plants and such! and i saw a plant that made me think of Fablor's garden, an annual called Penny Black (random link for illustration).

At 13:50 Blogger Marjorie said...

yes - the one I had was where in the Uk to add (currently Manchester, london and exeter, I think) I'm hoping he'll come to Bath, too, and sent him deails of some possible venues.

At 18:56 Blogger Dragonsally said...

yah - hello people. (I don't have any more than that)

At 18:58 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Okay - so Blogger asked me to tick the box again. Hmmmm. No wonder I didn't get new comments made since it came back on line emailed to me.

At 22:59 Blogger gaypet said...

I think I may have broken Blogger yesterday. The shock of me posting and all. Sorry.

I have black petunias. A few. And a little of this and that. Now just to find some time.

At 23:07 Blogger Beez said...

My comment went away!

*sulks away*

At 23:11 Blogger gaypet said...

No! Say it again!

At 23:19 Blogger Dragonsally said...

*shakes fist at Blogger*

what is this...I've just noticed it wants me to sign in and tick the box AGAIN. Sheesh.

At 23:40 Blogger Beez said...

I have black violas, and am planning on more black petunias, but we need something lighter for contrast or the black flowers will just be a dark blob-on-the-ground.

Also, maybe try the black hollyhocks again, but net 'em so the bunnies don't get all the flowers.

At 00:09 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Mew post is up, if you are. For tonight: A Poem

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