Thursday, August 25, 2011

One Year Of FIT...

It's been a year now since I decided to get my FIT on and surely, we need to mark this by talking about the journey. I've been thinking about this post for a couple of weeks now, and thought how cool it would be with some wonderful new pics, (especially since I've decided the next hair colour is going to be Teal, and I'm going to have some fine Derby shots soon) but one of my points here today is what is, IS.

So, here's me today. No frills Photo Booth style.

The first thing I can think of is simply this: If you are thinking about changing your life, about getting FIT, about seeing how far you can go to get everything you've been sitting on the couch dreaming about, I wish you could feel what I'm feeling right now, a year later. It's pretty damm wonderful.

A year is a long time. I can remember back, I wasn't just overweight, I was FAT. And very, very out of shape. If I forgot something in the basement, I did without it rather than climb the stairs again.

I was afraid of a lot of things too. Inside fears, the worst kind. Very shy. I know, hard to believe, but writing is EASY, or being in front of an audience playing, it's face to face with people that was hard. I'd met Joan of Dark, only via email, and she was already asking me when I was going to skate. Huh? Thinks I... Looks beyond cool, but beyond what I could ever do. (Heh. If Joan of Dark ever decides you are going to skate, just give in, far simpler) But something sparked. I wanted my FIT back. And then I met DJDayZ at a Farmers Market and heard her talking about Zumba at the gym, and took a leap and asked if could I go with her.

The class nearly killed me. I felt more stupid than you can IMAGINE. Like an egg with waving arms. The fattest person there. An idiot. The entire process was very, very scary. But I liked the teacher, and the people, and I went back the next day and joined the gym. We got a free personal training session with a trainer when joining and I told the women who talked to me, who also taught the class, no, no training, can't do, class only, bye. Couldn't imagine talking to, training with, being friends with, someone that FIT, being so FAT. (the mind can sure tell you twisted things)

I train with her now and re-named her Little Evil.

I skate Derby now too, but I'm not going to recount the entire year, if you read this often, you know, if you're new, the archives are all there.

Did I get everything I wanted? Was it a success, this year of FIT? No and yes. I am very much further along than where I was, but a long way yet from where I want to BE. I was going to lose 100 pounds, and be AMAZING. Got about half that and I still struggle with eating, most likely always will. I'm still inclined to be lazy, I get in moods where I don't want to talk to anyone ever again, and scream at the world and yeah, cry. But every time I fail, I get up again, and back to it.

And if you want to try this, understand: You will fail. You will fall. You cannot ever be perfect.

But you will really, really love where the journey takes you.

If you asked me what the single most important thing I've learned this year of FIT is, I would tell you this: Find your passion. Find what lights that spark, what it is you want more than anything. When that spark hits you, you may feel like you're waking up after being asleep for a long time, not very not sure how your body GOT this way, and hating yourself for letting it happen, but hold onto that spark.

My point is, it doesn't matter how you got where you are, what matters is that you get where you're going. And it isn't something that will happen overnight. Or even in a year, in my case.

Once you find that passion, what you want more than ANYTHING, following that is going to take you where you need to be: Loving yourself, loving what you look like and yes, I would go as far as saying feeling TOTALLY BADASS and powerful. (yes, YOU!) It's going to open doors you never thought were there for you. That fear inside? The thing that is stopping you? Yeah, trust me, and you'll have to because you may not believe it right now, but I've been there and I know, that fear doesn't stand a chance.

It's hard, not going to lie to you. I've hurt more this year than ever in my entire life. Going from being a couch potato to FIT is not something that can be achieved by walking around the block a couple times.

But I see myself a year ago, and I see myself now, and I will tell you: So fucking worth every bit of it.

The best part of this, and again, take it on faith, I wouldn't have believed it either a year ago, is that you don't have to do this alone. You can't, to be frank. But the people you need? You're going to find them along the way. And yes, my dears, they are going to like you. I found them. Joan of Dark, Little Evil, my gym friends, DJDayZ, and Gods, an entire Derby team of the most wonderful women I've ever encountered. I owe them all more than I can ever tell them.

I'm not there yet, after a year. Not FIT.

Not yet.

But I'm not where I was a year ago, either, mind or body. And never will be again.

Not quitting.

Not ever.

Love and FIT,
Lorraine






101 Comments:

At 16:30 Blogger Marjorie said...

You are amazing! And you may not be exactly where you planned/hoped to be, but you have achieved so much, and in an incredibly short space of time. And you've been honest about it, including the pain & discouragement. You, Lady, ROCK!

I am in awe. Truly.

At 16:37 Blogger Kate T said...

Fabulous -
and Fitter
so I guess, I can do it, too.

Thanks for the inspiration and the passion and the fun.

and I echo everything that Marjorie said.
Rock On QuicheMeDeadly

At 16:45 Blogger D said...

You are a total rockstar. Congrats on how much you have achieved, and thank you for sharing with us!

At 16:59 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Why yes, you do rock. I've loved going on this journey with you, the whole thing.

Can't wait to see the teal hair!

At 17:11 Blogger Beez said...

RAWK. Purely and simply, you do.

Love you. You inspire.

At 17:17 Blogger Vinity said...

Thank you. I was feeling very down. You inspire me, lady! {{{{hugs}}}}

At 17:20 Blogger Jane said...

What Marjorie said - I am in awe, too. Those inner voices are the worst critics and the hardest to overcome.

And yes, the shy. I ran out (well not actually ran) of a party last night because my energy for continuing to engage with people deserted me. And these were not strangers.

So the idea of enlisting others to help me get fit, not happening. But if you can do it, maybe I can, too...

At 17:43 Blogger vampi said...

wow! has it been a year already?

1. damn fine ass.

2. you are totally inspirational and awesome. you face fear and failure and demolish them.

<3

At 17:44 Blogger vampi said...

oh bugger, box of ticks.

At 18:20 OpenID kylecassidy said...

you go grrl. see you soon for supra special awesome.

At 18:54 Blogger C. T. Adams said...

CONGRATS!! You have helped get me off of my touchis and start getting fit, in spite of all of the stupid health problems. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH! And I love the pictures of the Leopard Lounge, and the leopards.

Cie

At 20:32 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Can't believe it's been a year! YOU ROCK GIRL!!

I'm on a brief layover at ohare before heading to happenin' Peoria Illinois for a family reunion/90th bday. Oh yeah, it's gonna be a party.

At 21:08 Blogger Joanne said...

Well done, indeed! All of it, struggle, failure, passion most of all. Excellent dose of wisdom in this. Will continue to follow the adventure.

Love to Bengals.

Joanne

At 21:14 Blogger LihuaEmily said...

It's totally true. There's never really a big solid cap on the journey - no place where you can declare, "This is me now, and this is where I'm going to stay." We all change and the imperfections and weaknesses always come back to haunt us - and if not those imperfections, others that can bring us down. There's always going to be something in every major challenge that lasts for a long time. But that's part of the adventure! Much love to you, Quiche.

At 23:59 Blogger spacedlaw said...

That post has me smiling a mere emoticon will never be able to express. Ear to ear doesn't come even close.

Your "Find your passion" reminds me of what a friend told me once, as I was fighting depression. He said "find your music" (meaning inner music mostly) in the same way you are saying "find your passion" now.

Rock on!

At 00:10 Blogger Pi R Squared said...

Rock and Awe!

Damn, you're an inspiration.

At 09:51 Blogger Beca said...

HELL

YES

I am also on a FIT journey, and DAMN if Miss Quiche MeDeadly ain't bang on the money.

Keep on keepin' on!!

At 11:18 Blogger AletaMay said...

Congratulations Q on finding your bliss and following it! You are an inspiration.

Could you, or anyone else for that matter, give me some hints about where in the archive I might find the explanation of your bucket and cheesecloth honey extraction method? I've been looking in likely months and can't seem to find it.

At 12:23 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Old blog, Aleta.
search here.

At 12:25 Blogger spacedlaw said...

By the way, Lorraine, (reading back on the entry of July 22, 2008) did you ever figure out what to do with the wax from the honey extracting?

At 02:58 Blogger Jess said...

Rock on, Medeadly. Proud of you.

At 10:59 Blogger Ani said...

Awesome!

I coach derby (twincityderbygirls.com). And various fiends asked me to take this comment from twitter to your blog: tattoo-wise, doing your upper arm/shoulder, consider number readability. If the refs can't read your number, it's a major. And an "equipment" major is just a pain in the butt! So leave space or be prepared to strap on an armband!

Of course, you could get your number tattooed...

;-)

At 18:46 Blogger Precision Grace said...

That really is awesome. Well done!

But you know, one can do it alone too. *points to self* Am almost to my ideal weight and fairly fit too. I will tell you one thing that is essential for losing weight - not eating. Being poor, not being able to afford food - that's pretty much how I lost my weight. The gym helps with fit but not eating helps with losing weight. It really is that simple. *shrug*

Keep on the good work. Being fit should be a lifetime thing anyway, right?

At 01:47 Blogger Na said...

hella good & extremely cool; that's much to accomplish in a year's time!

At 10:08 Blogger Kelly McCullough said...

So proud of you, my friend. You rock!

At 18:24 Blogger Cecily said...

Sorry to com elate to the party, been uber stressed out here and fairly under the weather at the moment, but I wanted to reiterate how much of an inspiration you are to so many women. That way you feel about your derby team, well I feel that way about you. You are a rockstar who shines bright and brilliantly and give slight and hope to MANY people. Thank you Quiche.

Also...
"Find your passion. Find what lights that spark, what it is you want more than anything."

I started acting again. And I am oh so happy about it. Just finished one kids show, and now straight into another. I am getting out there and meeting other theater people in the area, making new friends, living.

And I put on a pair of pants I hadn't fit in for over two years. They were tight, but fuck me they were on!

At 22:45 Blogger Fablo said...

Thanks ANi, been thinking about that one, arm bands it will have to be, I want this tattoo!!!

Cecily, go girl!

It's such an on going process. And it will never never never get easier. You will never leave the gym thinking "oh, that was easy" You give 100% every workout, every practice.

And yeah, you do feel stupid, sometimes skating, like tonight, I screamed inside thinking why can't I DO this, why am I so bad at this, I will never be as good as the good skaters..

But then, leaving, all I could think, was :

Gods, I am so much better after tonight than I was going in.

That's what it is, every day: Be better than the day before.

This has been tonight inspirational post, hee hee....

PS Staker Wife Jess, if you're out there in the bushes, I really REALLY need dinner...

At 22:46 Blogger Fablo said...

OK....Why did blogger make me create a new identify to post on my own freaking blog?????

THAT WAS ME!!!! I'm me. Hello?

At 00:16 Blogger spacedlaw said...

No worries. We recognized you. Even in disguise...

At 02:48 Blogger Shonna said...

I cried reading this post, because it is so inspiring and so passionate about looking after yourself. Thnak you for sharing that sort of attitude and honestly admitting to such fear about getting started - because that first step is always the hardest.

At 06:54 Blogger Cecily said...

If that was a disguise it wasn't a good one. There was too much rockin' comin from it. Also, an ass as fine as that must be Quiche.

At 20:19 Blogger Fablo said...

Well well, I do believe I have talked Beez into catering our first home Bout of the Roller Derby Season. Life, as she knows it....Mwwwhahahahah!!!!!

Gym class was particularly brutal tonight. Sled. Tires. VERSA CLIMBER. Medicine ball Slammer. ROPES. And god help us, JUMPING JACKS!!!!!!!

At 20:39 Blogger Cecily said...

"JUMPING JACKS!!!!!!!"

Seriously hoping you had on a good bra, because I know form experience, jumping jacks and big bozooms without proper support....OW!

At 20:19 OpenID alwayscoffee said...

Lorraine, this is a beautiful and awesome post -- and you are a beautiful and awesome person. Your positivity is something to aspire to. You kick ass and set a great example for anyone who wants to achieve something, whether it's getting FIT or something else.

So proud of you -- and a bit in awe, too. Thanks for sharing this. ~Ali

At 22:37 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Passed my WFTDA skills test tonight! 5 levels of skills one needs to master before Bouting! SUre did get it, wonderfully sweet feeling it is!!!!

I can't tell you what going, in a year, from being THAT out of shape and fat, to passing this test and being ready to skate ROLLER DERBY means to me. No words.

Had a mental thing about jumping the Triangle, which is just a triangle thing you have to jump, about 5 inches, both feet together, up and down. Fell so badly working on it, thought I would CRY. Fell twice actually, spanked my butt, and the next time landed on a wheel, you have to land this jump STANDING.

But there was NO WAY I was going to fail. I mean really! A triangle?? You can't let them get the better of you. Just DID it. Nailed it in fact.

And if I can do this?

You can do anything. Trust me.

At 22:46 Blogger Dragonsally said...

So proud of you Lorraine, and cannot wait to see videos of you bouting!

At 00:31 Blogger Ani said...

Go you for passing your WFTDA minimums! I coach the "fresh meat," so I know what you've had to accomplish. My rookies had their very first bout three weeks ago. (I was a mess, they rocked the house.)

It sounds like you have an awesome newbie program in your league. I'd love to know more about it. (As I tell my girls, I'm just making it up as I go!)

Can't wait for pics of your new tattoo!
Ani

(box o' ticks. Eew, thanks Jess!)

At 07:32 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I want tattoo too! He hasn't called yet with the design, any moment tho.

Ani, I think we may be too, lol! the biggest thing we have is EVERY skater on the team is helping new skaters, all the time, teaching, encouraging, cheering for them, caring for them making them part of the group. It's am AMAZING bunch of women. The sort of league where it's not how well you skate, it's how hard you are working at it.

At 08:27 Blogger Ani said...

Very cool, Quiche. These are things I love about my league, too. I think we are lucky to come into the sport in its early stages, while it is still learning who and what it is. The enthusiasm is huge,, the welcoming attitude is wonderful. Heck! I've got 50 or 60 new best friends! I hope derby can keep this open, all-embracing quality as it grows.

Derby love, with an extra helping of Fit,
Ani

At 13:47 Blogger Jess said...

Took me a minute to work out why you were going eew at me, Ani. I don't box the ticks these days. I let them go free.

Sorry, Q. Been away from my post. Mr. Jess's mum is making lasagna tonight. Not sure whether it's a veggie one or not but if it is, I'll email you some.

At 17:35 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Could you email me some too please Jess? Sounds yummy.

And hey - for me Spring starts today. Hello sun and warmth.

At 18:46 Anonymous Redsquishy said...

Lorraine, you kick ass!

At 23:11 Blogger ariandalen said...

YAY, Ms. Fabulous!

Now, everyone go drool over goodies here . ::BIG GRIN::

At 23:53 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Ariandalen, not fair. I have a serious case of wants now. My goodness, I REALLY lust after the pocket Kraken. How cool is that?

At 23:56 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Nice stuff!

At 09:56 Blogger Allie Gator said...

Sorry I haven't posted to this before now, but you are amazing! So proud and impressed by all the work you've donw this last year! and this is only the beginning!
:)

At 17:28 Blogger Marjorie said...

Just had to pop in for a quick "Squeeeeee !"
Just back from seeing Amanda Fucking Palmer, with Bitter Ruin, Jane Austen Arguments, Tom Robinson, Tim Minchin & a singing Boss.
Oh, and before that there was a big jar of pickled moles.
Sleeping now xx

At 18:27 Blogger Cecily said...

Marjorie, that sounds EPIC.

At 20:58 Blogger ariandalen said...

Marjorie...I was with you until you said "pickled moles." I only know of two types of moles: a small, burrowing mammal or a discolored, often raised place on your skin. Please tell me there's a third definition and relieve me of my ignorance.

At 02:04 Blogger Jess said...

I'm afraid she most likely means the former. And they're bigger in Britain. Those little tunnel trails in your lawn? Forget it. You can trip over these ones.

At 03:41 Blogger Marjorie said...

The mammals, Ariandalen. But they were at a museum, not at the gig:)

At 04:06 Blogger spacedlaw said...

The Museum of Pickled Moles...
There is a certain ring to it. Market and grocery shopping are achieved. Went by the optician and he confirmed my view has not evolved, which is good.
It is just as crappy as it was, alas (which is bad, but at least I can see still).

At 06:05 Blogger Ani said...

Pickled moles? Dammit, Marjorie, you have ALL the fun!
Ani

At 17:29 Blogger ariandalen said...

Seeing "pickled" moles at a museum is a far cry from what I imagined. A much better thing, actually.

I think I'll leave it at that.

At 21:47 Blogger Siri said...

Anyone heard if our Wendy is high and dry?

At 23:27 Blogger ariandalen said...

Siri, Wendy posted on twitter about four hours ago, so I'm assuming she's okay.

At 10:40 Blogger dabbler said...

Lorraine, I'm at a loss for words, because everything as been said better than I could say it. So exciting to see the trajectory you're on and the rewards! Congrats on all of it...the weight, the meeting goals and especially the passing your skills test! Can't wait to hear about your first bout.

At 16:53 Blogger LihuaEmily said...

I come on here for the first time in days and we're discussing pickled moles ... okay ... why did I not expect this? I think it's time I learned ...

At 15:58 Blogger Chantrelle said...

I'm back from the internet-free mountains. What'd I miss? :)

I've been trying to catch up on everything. Work first...tied myself into knots sitting in front of the computer. Finally pulled myself away and did some yoga and crunches.

Now to the 6 million loads of laundry I washed and dried yesterday but haven't folded yet. Fun fun!

Missed you guys!

At 16:02 Blogger Marjorie said...

I'm been having heaps of fun - and blogging about it :-)

At 19:15 Blogger C. T. Adams said...

Have Madame Mim's pee issues resolved now that you have the outdoor play area for them?

At 19:15 Blogger C. T. Adams said...

Not on fitness. But have Madame Mim's pee issues resolved now that you have the outdoor area for them?

At 21:55 Blogger Cecily said...

Will there be a blog on the new art? *bounce*

Also, I have been wondering a lot recently, how is Cabal?

At 22:27 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Good idea Ceci - that new art is awesome.

At 04:16 Blogger Lexocat said...

OK, that's it. Starting MY own FIT.

Right now.

Thank you!

At 13:46 Blogger Na said...

go Lexa go!

At 13:47 Blogger Na said...

hey, anyone taken Diaspora for a spin yet?

At 13:53 Blogger Cecily said...

Not yet, I haven't gotten an invite yet.

At 14:28 Blogger Na said...

my bad - it's not in Beta yet, further invites apparently dependent on when that occurs. but you can sign up to get one then.

At 14:29 Blogger Na said...

i mean, you can sign up so that when it happens, you'll get an invite.

something.

brain seems to be winding down for the weekend. but i have more work to do! eeek.

At 14:43 Blogger Cecily said...

I have! Signed up a few months ago...just waiting.

At 15:05 Blogger Marjorie said...

For those not on twitter, our Anabel has a story in
this :-)

At 06:36 Blogger Ms T said...

You know the pants falling down thing we all laugh about so much? Not so much fun when you have to hold the damn things up when running for the bus.

Just saying...:)

(Look at all the FIT you've inspired Ms Fablo! It's just awesome to hear you're reaching your dreams.)

At 16:11 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Seems like we just got home and we're heading off to NYC on friday. I'd like a couple of weeks of catchup time!

Hope everyone is well here!

At 21:37 Blogger Siri said...

Anyone got a broom to clean out the cobwebs in here? Can always tell when summer ends and people go back to RL.

At 21:44 Blogger Jane said...

Hi, I'm here. Barely.

At 22:32 Blogger Dragonsally said...

*waves frantically* It has been awfully quiet, and I'm missing everyone.

At 23:10 Blogger Fablo said...

I am sorry, my FIends, I have been neglecting us here. The Boss being back combined with all this being head of Bout Production is kicking my butt.

My job I can do, and once I learn what I am doing making the Bouts run smoothly, it will get easier, but the learning curve is steep, I keep finding things out a day late, like what exactly head of production DOES, lol.

Not to brag, but I'm really good at this. The bout tomorrow is going to be FINE!!!!

Did I mention I am skating in it too????

Why yes I am!!!!!! Going to take some bitches down!!!!

(that's derby talk for "I shall skate well and play an excellent game)

At 08:45 Blogger Na said...

bout time! that's pretty ___ cool.

and the tat! you've got to officially blog the tat sometime.

Siri, i think of end of summer as less "getting back to RL" and more as "RL intensifying". O.O time to get prepare for winter...

At 08:46 Blogger Na said...

prepared, mais oui.

At 08:47 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Of course you're good at it Q!

We're in NYC. Taking Ben on his first subway ride today to the museum of natural history :)

At 14:37 Blogger vampi said...

oh! the subway stop at the museum is wonderful!.

HOW was the bout!?! did you mention you are now the mistress of coordination for derby? that's pretty darn cool.

At 00:07 Blogger spacedlaw said...

I was in Holland, having my head stuffed with presentation. Thank goodness copious amounts of fun were had too.
I am home to sleep a bit today and then tomorrow I shall go to Naples to meet with Marjorie!
A great way to start my 2 weeks holiday.

At 13:38 Blogger Cecily said...

Quiche, the pics over on FB are Fabulous! Of course with Kyle taking them, that's kind of assumed. :-)

I can't wait to hear all about the first bout!

Chantrelle, how was the first subway ride for Mr.Ben?

So excited to see chatting on here again. I miss you guys!!!

At 23:59 Blogger Ms T said...

*waves*

Sometimes life just gets a little bit hectic. I've just taken a day off work for a sleep-in, and to catch up on my email and laundry (while the weather isn't crap). Woo baby. Do I know how to live. :P

(Learning about Bout Production is waaaaay more interesting!)

At 01:10 Blogger Na said...

equinox - and there goes the sun. :(

gosh, if there were Internet tumbleweeds, this place'd be piled HIGH with the things.

by the way real tumbleweeds? they can get seriously stuck in the grill of your car. /random fact sharing

At 01:35 Blogger Dragonsally said...

Yeah, where are the rest of you?

At 02:54 Blogger Marjorie said...

I was away from the internets on holiday ( have been blogging it) and am now back but struck down with the plague-lurgy, which is a damn waste of the rest of my time off. * coff Grumble grumble coff.*

At 09:01 Blogger Fluffy said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 20:11 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

Hey tumbleweeds!!! New post is UP!!!!

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