Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Long Awaited Gun Blog....

As promised: The long awaited Gun Blog! First off, all the pictures are by Kimm Schroeder (AKA SD or Stunt Double) except for those OF Kimm aka SD, which were by Amy Crownhart (AKA Arm & Slam'er or Slamer) (Read it a couple times, it will make sense.)

The second thing about the Gun Blog here, or what I call for short "The Day I Learned To Kill" is that I've been working with someone all week who has a decided preference for old Country Music, and it's, er, rubbed off, so I am writing this listening to my new fav radio station. We'll call it "Twang 100.1" Never written to music like this and I may have things to say, as they come up...

Let's get started. First picture up there: Those are bullets, they come out of the gun. You don't want to BE where they land. They eject shells too, which can go straight down your cleavage. This is less serious, but definitely something new. Don't wave your gun around when this happens, tho.

Here's my first shooting. As you can see: Dude is DEAD. Yeah, I'm that good at this. This was shot with the long Gun which is either a rifle, or a shotgun, I get them mixed up. There weren't any pictures tho where I felt I looked sufficiently BADASS tho, so you'll have to imagine.

(Twang 100.1: I'm sorry you're in prison for something you haven't done. Sucks not to have a good lawyer)

This is the short Gun. There were two kinds. This is the kinder, gentler version. Liked it. Didn't do as well killing my Dude tho. He doesn't have LEGS there on the target we were using, but I sort of mentally drew it in and GUESS what I shot OFF??

(Twang 100.1: Streams don't have Islands. Rivers can. The best a stream can hope for is a sandbar, and even if it DID, you could pretty much just walk OFF if it was a problem.)

Here me loading my own bullets into, hmm, the bullet holder thing. I should mention that this was an adventure clearly led by my Derby Sisters SD and Slam'er, both of whom know exactly what they are doing in regards to guns. It wasn't a "Hey let's learn this together" sort of MISadventure. As a matter of fact, the more I spoke to people about shooting this week, the more it became clear that I may be the ONLY one in this state who does not in fact, own multiple firearms.

(Twang 101.1 If you're sitting all alone in the dark, lonely and crying for Gods sake, turn on some lights, watch some tv, call a friend, go the heck out. Sheesh)

There's Slam'er, who never has any problem looking sufficiently BADASS. (Ever. Actually. With or without guns) She's shooting the other short gun. Thing has a kick to it. And it's really loud. I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning.

(Twang 101.1: I'm really sorry your dog died, but look they DO that. Get another. Sitting in the bar crying about that and crashing your pickup isn't going to HELP)

SD and Slam'er did a lot of explaining to me about the Guns. When you learn these things, you listen. Closely. And if it isn't obvious, if you want to learn these things, learn them with the best friends you have, it's as much about trust as anything else. Trust me.

(Twang 100.1: "you can leave me if you want to, go ahead and go girl, I'll be ok, I'll just sit here with my beer, dont' want to hold you back.." Alcoholic loser. Obviously she left you. Get some damm backbone.)

(Twang 100.1: "Sleeping single in a double bed" Ok. With you there, that does kind of suck, but sleeping double in a double bed isn't all roses either, you need at least Queen sized or it's kind of crowded.

Here's SD. She's so BADASS she can pause shooting, smile for the camera, and get back with hardly a break in the action. This would have been as true had the target been mobile. (this may be my definition of BADASS, having been unable to achieve it any way at all with the long Gun)

(Twang 100.1: "You'd better get your red head back into that bed" Hells YEAH!)

That's me there with the COOL gun. Liked this one. Might even be starting to achieve a sort of "look" Killed me some water bottles with this one, I tell you. My Dude wasn't dying quite as quickly, but no water bottles were walking away.

(Twang 101.1: Little Bity. Little Bity Everything. Rock. May cover this. Fiddles are EVERYWHERE all over the place in country music. This makes it, in many ways cooler than other music. No. You do not get to argue this point.)

Now, you can see them all. The three long ones. The two short ones. The cool one. I loved shooting them and can't wait to again. They're really powerful. They're poetry. Think about it, there's a lot there. They are also the person shooting them. Think about that too.

I feel stronger for it, and more determined. And that's carrying over. I walked away with a very sure feeling that what ever it is:

You can bring it the heck on. Watch me.

Love and Guns, Lorraine aka Quiche MeDeadly

PS (Twang 101.1: Mama tried. But boy oh boy, sure didn't work out for YOU now did it? 21 in prison doing life without parole??? What is UP with you people and lawyers???)


At 15:52 Blogger Marjorie said...

Wow! Queen of No just got REALLY serious!

Looks as though you had a lot of fun. I quite like the idea of learning hownto shoot a gun, as long as I'm not expected to shoot at anything alive..

Water bottles or coke-cans I could cope with. And I did one hit a viscious bit of paper, on the only ltime I ever shot with an air-rifle..

At 15:59 Blogger fairbetty said...

Think if I was gonna be armed with a gun (which I'm not really, ever...) it'd be a rifle. I much prefer swords, though.

At 16:00 Blogger Vinity said...

LOL ...OK, you're having fun. Believe it or not, my family is full of *gasp* hunters. Well, sorta hunters. My family owes a mountain {it was my grandfather's} my dad and all the inlaws used to hunt, or go up, drink beer, play cards and get really scruffy, then go out in the woods and take pics of deer that they *could* have shot. Sometimes they would invite friends up hunting, tho, thought they WERE supposed to actually shoot the deer but the family never did much.

So anyway, when I was about 15 we were up on the mountain with my cousin, who'd been shooting all his life. I beat the crap out of him at target shooting, then my sis did the same. I think riding horses made our arms strong and steady. My poor Dad had visions of his two daughters going into shooting competitions but we were too busy riding.

Anyway, have fun and be safe. BTW, are you going to ride anymore?

At 16:24 Anonymous kyle cassidy said...

I hope you're plugging my book!

At 16:43 Blogger LihuaEmily said...

I have this one friend who's really, really into guns. Everything having to do with any kind of gun. I never could like them, not the way he does. And I never could like country music the way he does, either, but ... I guess sometimes you have to soak up the atmosphere, or let it soak you up. I've never really been around either one for more than one day.

At 16:54 Blogger Cecily said...

I have in the past very much enjoyed shooting guns. Haven't touched one in some time...kinda want to, kinda don't. They are attached to pretty serious emotional shit on my end. But at least now I can read about them with out cringing!

one day I may shoot day...

At 16:54 Blogger Cecily said...


At 17:01 Blogger dd-b said...

Shooting can be great fun. Glad you found people who know their stuff to introduce you; because obviously you do have to be a bit careful to avoid serious unintended consequences. Rather like cars, really.

Kind of interesting that both kinds of shooting I do, photos and guns, requires steady hands and a good hold and a controlled squeeze and so forth.

At 18:39 Blogger Dragonsally said...

I think I would like a whole blog of you dissembling twang.

You do look badass there by the way.

I used to shoot and hunt in my yoof - of vermin only mind you. I really enjoyed the challenge, not so much the killing but what ever was killed was fed to the chooks (chickens for you non-Aussie folk) and we were protecting Dad's livestock. The best bit was actually being outdoors walking a lot.

At 19:05 Blogger Cecily said...

*makes a mental note of the word "chooks"...must use this word...*

At 19:15 Blogger Dragonsally said...

It's a fine Australian word!

At 20:10 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I don't want to hunt things excpet water bottles, targets and maybe the wily skeet, but I do like it. We're going to go look at cool guns soon, and it is true, the Derby Sisters know what they're doing. I thought at one point I might like one of my own and they both said: NO, lol, there's confidence.

They said they were enough armed for the three of us and I could shoot with them when ever.

They may be correct, never got into trouble listening to them yet.

DDB, I didn't know you shot guns as well as beautiful pictures.

(DDB is now the official Chippewa Valley Roller Girl phorographer! Lucky for US!)

At 20:17 Blogger Christopher said...

Oh my stars and garters! You are all three Charlies Angels rolled into one!

At 20:17 Blogger Christopher said...

Oh my stars and garters! You are all three Charlies Angels rolled into one!

At 20:21 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

I know exactly which Christopher that was, Dahling!

At 20:53 Blogger Jean said...

I'm with you! My sons gave me a rifle last Christmas and a handgun like one of the ones you used this Christmas. For Mother's Day, they gave me the class I needed for a concealed handgun permit in this state. I'm not sure I'll actually conceal and carry my handgun, but it's nice to know I can.

At 01:06 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Glad that you are having fun.

I would certainly welcome more Twang commentary. You'd be a great DJ for this radio station, it seems. Or maybe not.

At 07:49 Blogger Phiala said...

Fun. I grew up shooting (full soda cans explode nicely when hit with a 22), but haven't done any in ages. We do have several guns in the house, but I haven't fired any of them. Which is kind of stupid, really.

At 07:49 Blogger Phiala said...

Also stupid: not actually checking the little ticky box.

At 08:06 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

More Twang commentary, eh? Well, we'll have to see what we can do for you all...

Getting some new hair today, I look, as you can no doubt see, pretty shaggy.

And tonight is the GIG!!!! DOn't care about NYE, that will be work, but tonight is going to be REALLY fun!

WIsh you were coming..

At 10:00 Blogger One Sock Short said...

I wish I were coming too.

The thought of being around guns gives me the wiggins, but I'm glad you had fun. I've always thought I'd like to try archery, though I've never had the chance. But that's where my interest in weaponry begins and ends.

Now country music, that I grew up with. I don't like it much these days, but then so much of it has become more like country pop. Give me Patsy Cline. And fiddles, of course! I do remember a song that came out in the 80s, I think, that was its own commentary. The songwriter lamented that no one thought he was country enough because he didn't sing about trucks, mama, drinking, or prison (plus a bunch of other things I can't remember). So he ended the song with one line that covered them all.

On a less cheerful note, Fiends not following me on Twitter probably haven't heard what's been going on. It's been easier to post there since I can do so on my phone; and I haven't been up to doing much long-form writing. On December 6 my mom had a massive stroke. She spent two weeks in the hospital, and is now in a subacute facility for 2-3 months for therapy. She'll be reevaluated then, but very limited recovery is expected. The Old Normal has gone right out the window, and it will be a long time before I have any sense of what the New Normal might be.

So I feel like I'm living in some sort of limbo. A limbo with very long to-do lists, but nothing can ever be completely crossed off as Done. 2011 had already been a crappy year for me, so I didn't go into this with much in reserve. I'm getting by though. Especially with the kind thoughts and words of Fiends.

At 10:13 Blogger Jane said...

My grandfather, Mom's Dad, thought women should know how to do three things - shoot a gun, drive a truck and make biscuits.

My dad made Mom give up her gun when they got married, even though he was a hunter.

I've never fired a gun but a woman I travel with carries one with her everywhere. I always know where it is (except for the time I thought it was in her handbag and she had actually left it in the hotel room - we had already checked out and had to go back in.)

Now it's my job to make sure she doesn't leave it in the room...

Sounds like you had a marvelously fun day :-

At 10:14 Blogger spacedlaw said...


At 10:14 Blogger spacedlaw said...

This year seems to have been particularly crappy for a lot of fiends... Time to sweep it under the carpet.

At 10:23 Blogger Cecily said...

OSS, You have my love and thoughts. I hope things settle down to a new normal that you can find peace with.

As for the archery thing, it is amazing and you should totally try it.

At 11:13 Blogger Marjorie said...

OSS, I hope you & your Mom are able to find a new normal soon. I know when my grandma had her stroke the prognosis got a lot better after she moved from hospital to the care home. I think they were more positive/optimistic becsause they got to see people improving. I do hope that the same is true of your Mom.

At 11:17 Blogger Marjorie said...

I've been meaning to say, I find the whole idea of handling guns quite scary, maybe because they are so closely controlled here that no-one has them (other than shot-guns, for pheasant & rabbits)

I like the idea of archery although I suspect my dodgy shoulder wouldn't like it.

At 13:59 Blogger Chantrelle said...

Hate country/twang with a deep seated passion but I'll let you have your fun and will still love you ;-)

Guns, well, I loved shooting pellet guns as a kid (at paint can lids painted as targets) but "real" guns give me the willies. It is fun to blow things up though, can't deny that.

Just finished my workout, now it's time for my bath.

Have a rockin' amazing gig, I know you will! Wish we could be there!

At 16:38 Blogger dd-b said...

Yep, FL, guns too. NRA instructor for a few things, and Minnesota and Utah carry permit courses too.

And very pleased that WI now recognizes my MN carry permit.

At 19:47 Blogger DataGoddess said...

Ohhh, looks like you had fun!

I'm in the throws of a fairly deep depression after my sweetie dumped me after triggering me into this depressive spiral. I'm hanging in there, and all of this just makes me more thankful for Dan.

At 00:18 Blogger Na said...

happy new year, all!

ha ha - first i typed "happy mew year" - guess that's for the Bengals & assorted feline friends. :)

At 00:33 Blogger spacedlaw said...

Totally Happy Mew Year.

At 02:44 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...


Gig was fine, ok, I mean, well, I got paid and had a few moments of cool, so all good. Drive home pretty much sucked, winter had to happen TONIGHT????

Trying to chill now, listening to Miranda Lambert. This country music thing is perhaps a little out of control, but I'm enjoying the ride.

It's like Irish and rock got married and made a baby. Really into it.

Data, I am sorry you're sad, but glad we're all here.

At 04:59 Blogger Marjorie said...

Happy 2012, everyone. Q, sorry to hear it got wintery on you, glad you got home safely.

At 19:56 Blogger Ms T said...

Happy New Year fiends. I don't usually do resolutions, but I'm going to try popping in here more often. I've missed you all!

Here's hoping 2012 is a brighter, kinder year for you all.

At 03:03 Blogger tinabee said...

oooops. waved the thing around when the thing landed in my cleavage. hahaha.

happy new year!

At 04:19 Blogger vampi said...

love love love the twang commentary.

i think i might like to go shooting in a controlled setting like that at least once in y life.

*snugs* oss. keeping you and your mom in my thoughts.

At 12:19 Blogger Pi R Squared said...

Happy New Year everyone!

Lorraine, you do look totally bad ass and your twang commentary is a hoot!

OSS-hope your mother is feeling somewhat better as of this writing, and know that you and she and your family will be in my thoughts for her recovery.

DG? Hugs!

At 18:08 Blogger Na said...

tho't of Lorraine & horse folks today, as i took my young'un to a birthday party at an equestrian centre.

my itty bitty kid got up on a Cleveland Bay, former stallion. BIG. HORSE.

and oh my, the smell when you first step into a barn in winter. that was least expected.

most fun was that the parents were asked to hold the reins and walk the kiddos around the arena, so i got to walk around with this amazing critter. and then we were asked to jog, letting the horses trot (?). and my girl kept saying, "Run some more." i got my workout today!

i don't know why not, but i forgot that horses are so warm! i mean, of course they are, they're great big mammals. but it's something one might not think unless spending a little time with them. if that makes sense.

anyway. a lovely way to spend an afternoon. and now my legs are kinda noodly.

At 21:59 Blogger vampi said...

noodle na! sounds like a lovely day.

yesterday i volunteered at the food bank. it is amazing the amount of food trader joe's donates to the food bank. we were taking carrots, cabbage, pears, and lettuce out of huge bulk bins and putting them into smaller 35pound boxes. that 3 hours went by very fast. i spent most of the time putting boxes together. i'm absolutely shocked how quickly we went through 3 pallets of flattened boxes. my back, arms, and knee are unhappy, but i feel happy knowing i helped. i highly recommend helping out at your local food bank, it's a very rewarding experience.

At 01:08 Blogger vampi said...

has everyone seen this bbc proms for dr who it's brilliant!

At 17:21 Blogger FabulousLorraine said...

New Blog post is UP!

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At 09:23 Blogger Jane said...

No tick

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