Got This On My Mind: FIT
Thanks to Allie Gator, from the Mad Rollin Dolls, who wrote Joan of Dark and I asking if we were coming down to Brew-haha, I ended up in Milwaukee on Sunday, watching some of the best Derby I'd ever seen. In the space of answering her letter, I went from "Well, no, I gig Saturday night, Joan is in Indiana, what are we meant to do, fly her up here and drive all night?" to "What a FABULOUS idea!"
We went for it. It was barking mad, and shouldn't have worked, but it did, and I am glad of it. Beyond inspired, seeing skating like that. Sirens, Belles, Dolls, MN Roller Girls: Thank you. Needed that. I know what I'm working for, and I know what I want. I want to be that FIT and skate that well. I love you all and someday, I really want to hit you. (did I just hear a mass "That's what she said"???
Here's me, Allie Gator and Joan of Dark, before Allie's Bout.
When I started Blogging last August about getting FIT, I told you: No more secrets. It was all going out there. The good, the bad, the wins and the FAIL.
Got a FAIL going on now, and in the hopes it might help me get over it, I'm writing a bit now. I'm doing GREAT on the workouts. Skate three times a week, doing sports training with some of my teammates twice a week, seeing Little Evil privately an hour a week but I'm not eating right.
Sure, I know HOW, it ain't rocket science. And I can cook, really well. I cook for my Boss, Vegan, healthy meals that belong on a cooking show, those salads are so pretty (if I do say so myself) and I do pretty good in the daytime, but I am mucking up far too often. But I'm not doing it for myself.
It's too easy to think (or NOT think) "Chips won't hurt, oh look, chocolate, ah, hello pasta..." when I get home so tired and late. I'm mucking up and not liking this about myself. I don't quit or fail in the workouts, but I have a trainer, or teammates there right beside me. I don't have anyone cooking for me, saying: Here is your dinner, this is what you GET.
I'm telling you so I can look this in the eye and beat it. The reason I am not losing weight is I am not eating right. Must have BEEN doing it right, down 35 pounds since August, and yes, it DOES take a long time, but I've been hanging out here now for a couple of months now and nothing is happening.
And it's my ownself failing.
I need to think about this 24/7 and I need it to start happening.
Allie posted this on Twitter this morning, and it is that simple, and this true. And so damm hard to DO. But when you want something more than anything you've ever wanted, there has to be a way to reach down into yourself and Make It Happen.
"In order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, & effort. -Jesse Owens"
There. That's out.
I want my dreams to come true. And I want it to start happening NOW.
Love and Dreams into Reality,